A little humour

Kehaulani

@J-Jericho said in A little humour:

This brought tears to my eyes:

Man, what a wonderful musician!

SSmith1226

@J-Jericho
@barliman2001
Oops! They did it again!!!

Famed pianist sees her favourite piano smashed to pieces:

https://slippedisc.com/2020/02/horror-famed-pianist-sees-her-favourite-piano-smashed-to-pieces/

A Former User

This post is deleted!

tjcombo

SSmith1226

A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, “All that bull does is eat grass. Won’t even look at a cow.”

“Take him to the vet,” his friend suggested.

A week later John reports back to his friend, and he’s much happier.

“The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows!” he told his pal. “Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbour’s cows! He’s like a machine!”
“What kind of pills were they?” asked the friend.

“I don’t know, but they’ve got a peppermint taste.”

Kehaulani

Red Foxx told, in his earlier days as a stand-up comedian, a story about an old, wise bull and a young, eager calf overlooking a herd of cows grazing below them.

"Lets run down and service one of 'em" said the calf, eagerly.
"Let's walk down and service them all", drawled the bull.

Vulgano Brother

I am a great Bible expert and even know the name of Noah's wife. It was Joan. Joan of Arc.

Dr GO

@Vulgano-Brother said in A little humour:

I am a great Bible expert and even know the name of Noah's wife. It was Joan. Joan of Arc.

And I am sure you are celebrating this insight at the Arc of Triumph. And that's OK as there are many treatments we have for people exposed to Paris-sights.

J. Jericho

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

SSmith1226

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he’s finished all three, he goes back to the bar and orders three more.

“You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it,” he says. “Your pints would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

Patrick replies: “Well now, I have two brothers, one is in America and the other in Australia and here I am in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.”

The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.
Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way, ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished. One day, he comes in and orders just two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says: “I don’t want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.”

Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh. “Oh no,” he says, “Everyone is fine! It’s me … I’ve quit drinking!”

barliman2001

@SSmith1226 That's the Irish for you!

J. Jericho

Couple in their eighties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast?'

barliman2001

@J-Jericho said in A little humour:

Couple in their eighties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast?'

Funny at first sight; but if you have a relative with Alzheimers, this kind of thing gets very depressing and stressin. My mother "went back in history" during her six years of dementia... kitchen implements were moved from their traditional places to the spots they had been in a previous fitted kitchen (1970s), she went from using a "printer" to "the typewriting system of the computer" and after every letter on the keyboard, expected the printer to go "clack"...

barliman2001

@Dr-GO said in A little humour:

@Vulgano-Brother said in A little humour:

I am a great Bible expert and even know the name of Noah's wife. It was Joan. Joan of Arc.

And I am sure you are celebrating this insight at the Arc of Triumph. And that's OK as there are many treatments we have for people exposed to Paris-sights.

À propos Paris:
A Japanese company director was very much looking forward to a business trip to Paris with some spare time to... well, see the sights. One day, he quarrelled with his CEO. A few days later, his colleagues saw him come out of the CEO's office rather dejectedly. "What's the matter?" they asked. "Did he cancel the trip?" - "That bastard? No. He doubled the travel allowance so that I should be able to take my wife."

SSmith1226

@barliman2001 said in A little humour:

@SSmith1226 That's the Irish for you!

It’s an international problem. See below:

A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.

He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.

It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.
One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado.

When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.

So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my
condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.

"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

“It hasn't affected my brothers though."

J. Jericho

@barliman2001 My father-in-law suffered from the eventually fatal mix of TIAs, Alzheimer's, and dementia, which transformed him from an intelligent, witty, and caring person into a tortured humanoid animal for several years, so I'm not unaware of this type of misery and the effect it has not only on the sufferer, but the people around them who love them and go through the anguish of watching the slow, methodical destruction of a human being. A friend of mine also died a slow death from Alzheimer's. It wasn't pretty.

That having been said, much humor involves someone's misfortune, and we can still take a lighthearted approach to our own mortality and vulnerability in spite of it.

Dr GO

barliman2001

@Dr-GO said in A little humour:

And you've forgotten their special Guest Star from Indonesia on clarinet:
Fukini Tup

and their Sound Engineer:

Mux Preader

Dr GO

@barliman2001 said in A little humour:

@ And you've forgotten their special Guest Star from Indonesia on clarinet:
Fukini Tup

and their Sound Engineer:

Mux Preader

I didn't forget, just couldn't hear their announcer, Harmon Mute, call out the names.

J. Jericho

Don't forget behind-the-scenes personnel:

Bea Major
Dee Sharp
D. Rector
O. Bowe
Page Turner
Del Capo
Al Feeney
Marc Otto
Demi S. Quaver