@tjcombo
This may have come from TM a year or so ago. I thought of it because I am on a cruise close to the Antarctic and will be seeing Penguins for the next few days:

Bloke walks into a police station and asks the desk sergeant "Can you tell me, how tall is a penguin?"

The desk sergeant looks at him, puts down his pen, folds his arms and says "About two foot tall sir".

The bloke considers this, then asks "So how tall is a king penguin?"

The desk sergeant thinks for a second, and replies "I reckon about two foot six sir"

The bloke considers this for a short time, then ask "So how tall is an emperor penguin?"

The desk sergeant had to think of this, but being a wise man he responded "I reckon the tallest one recorded must have been in the region of three feet tall sir".

The bloke considers this fact, then looks the desk sergeant in the eye and says "in which case I have to report the fact I have run over a nun..."

**** HERE IT IS!!! THE LONG AWAITED, LONG ANTICIPATED, TRUMPETBOARDS.COM REMOTE PERFORMANCE YOUTH ENSEMBLE’S OFFICIAL WORLD DEBUT FEATURING SOME OF YOUR MOST BELOVED, OR NOT, TRUMPET BOARD MEMBERS.****

Little Harold attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Harold asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Harold, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ...

Best effort!!

Lying around, pondering the problems of the world,
I realized that, at my age, I don't really give a rat's ass anymore.

If walking is good for your health, the mailman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.

A rabbit runs and hops, and lives 15 years,
A tortoise doesn't run or do anything, yet it lives for 150 years.
And they tell us to exercise? I don't think so.

Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

3. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

5. If all is not lost, then where is it?

6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.

7. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

11. It is hard to make a comeback; when you haven't been anywhere.

12. The world only beats a path to your door; when you're in the bathroom.

13. If God wanted me to touch my toes; he'd have put them on my knees.

14. When I'm finally holding all the right cards; everyone wants to play chess.

15. It is not hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter.
    I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".

18. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.

20. Have I posted this message on Trumpet Bosrds before: or did I get it from here?

This also might be effective in increasing range:

A recent news story about the famous “Villages” community in Central Florida:

Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small Beretta Pistol

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? Here's her story in her own words:
“While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in ‘The Villages’ with my soon to be ex-husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.”

“If I had not had my little Beretta .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!”

“Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible, and his life insurance was a real big bonus!”

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Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, and his throat gets dry.
He gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally?
Ever wonder why?

It's because she smells like a new golf bag

@Vulgano-Brother

I am currently on a cruise ship which started out in Lima, Peru and we have worked our way into Ports in Peru and Chile. Trumpet players don’t seem to get much respect in the parts of South America that I have seen thus far. There are no Trumpet Players in the Ship’s Show Band.
From the bottom two photos, you can see how they treat trumpet Players in the Plaza Aramas of Lima. I should add that the guano best seen in the last photo is considered very valuable as a fertilizer.
You can also see some “Vintage Incan Trumpets” in the second photo in the series.
The wooden carving in the first photo was in the home of the Chilean Poet Pablo Neruda. That explains the absence of guano. By the way, Pablo should not be confused with Johann Baptist Georg Neruda, the 18th century Czech composer of the Neruda Trumpet Concerto. They are totally unrelated.

@bigdub said in A little humour:

@ssmith1226 said in A little humour:

@bigdub

Sorry! Maybe this will put the humor back into it:
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan!

We geniuses should know better than to waste our time trying to stare at these visual puzzles and finally figure out there are differences all over the place!

Perhaps we should establish a branch of “Trumpet Board Mensa”.

The Past, Present , and Future walk into a bar. It was Tense!!!

@bigdub

Sorry! Maybe this will put the humor back into it:
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan!

@ssmith1226 said in A little humour:

@bigdub said in A little humour:

2 is diffrrent.

Other than every chicken “is different”, number three has been colored in, but number 2 has three toes on its right foot, while the others do not.
I stand with number 2 is different ( not “diffrrent”)

@bigdub said in A little humour:

2 is diffrrent.

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on at him: “What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it.” On and on and on she complained.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang.

The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realising what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

“They’re not hanging Wright tonight,” she said.
To which he whirled around and screamed: “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON’T YOU EVER STOP?”

@j-jericho said in A little humour:

bringatrailer.com
Either a One eyed, One Horn, Flying Purple Eater or a Giant Roller Skate!

When I post a topic it does not show up as an “Unread” post, but does show up under “Recent” on my iPhone. It does show up as “Unread” if someone replies to it.
Your posts show up as “Unread” on my account when you post them or others answer them.

A complete redesign of the Toyota Prius!!!

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