@tjcombo
This may have come from TM a year or so ago. I thought of it because I am on a cruise close to the Antarctic and will be seeing Penguins for the next few days:

Bloke walks into a police station and asks the desk sergeant "Can you tell me, how tall is a penguin?"

The desk sergeant looks at him, puts down his pen, folds his arms and says "About two foot tall sir".

The bloke considers this, then asks "So how tall is a king penguin?"

The desk sergeant thinks for a second, and replies "I reckon about two foot six sir"

The bloke considers this for a short time, then ask "So how tall is an emperor penguin?"

The desk sergeant had to think of this, but being a wise man he responded "I reckon the tallest one recorded must have been in the region of three feet tall sir".

The bloke considers this fact, then looks the desk sergeant in the eye and says "in which case I have to report the fact I have run over a nun..."

**** HERE IT IS!!! THE LONG AWAITED, LONG ANTICIPATED, TRUMPETBOARDS.COM REMOTE PERFORMANCE YOUTH ENSEMBLE’S OFFICIAL WORLD DEBUT FEATURING SOME OF YOUR MOST BELOVED, OR NOT, TRUMPET BOARD MEMBERS.****

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her."
The man said "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife".
The agent said, "Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home".
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, so take your wife and go home "
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow.
"The gun was loaded with blanks" she said...... "I had to kill him with the chair."

Best effort!!

Little Harold attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Harold asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Harold, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ...

Lying around, pondering the problems of the world,
I realized that, at my age, I don't really give a rat's ass anymore.

If walking is good for your health, the mailman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.

A rabbit runs and hops, and lives 15 years,
A tortoise doesn't run or do anything, yet it lives for 150 years.
And they tell us to exercise? I don't think so.

Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

3. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

5. If all is not lost, then where is it?

6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.

7. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

11. It is hard to make a comeback; when you haven't been anywhere.

12. The world only beats a path to your door; when you're in the bathroom.

13. If God wanted me to touch my toes; he'd have put them on my knees.

14. When I'm finally holding all the right cards; everyone wants to play chess.

15. It is not hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter.
    I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".

18. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.

20. Have I posted this message on Trumpet Bosrds before: or did I get it from here?

This also might be effective in increasing range:

A recent news story about the famous “Villages” community in Central Florida:

Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small Beretta Pistol

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? Here's her story in her own words:
“While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in ‘The Villages’ with my soon to be ex-husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.”

“If I had not had my little Beretta .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!”

“Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible, and his life insurance was a real big bonus!”

)

@masterwannabe

The highest authority that I know of in terms of how to date a king, would be the Hallmark channel. There have been several movies based on this topic, and they generally involve commoners, specifically American women who are either teachers governesses, ice skaters, bakers, candy makers, or perhaps even a maid, that fall in love with a king and vice versa. Generally the kingdom is an obscure small European pseudo-country in Alp like mountains where British English is the language of choice. The King, who often is widowed with an adorable daughter looking for a mother figure, is already engaged to a member of the royalty, who hates children, especially adorable princesses who are looking for mother figures. The fiancé is often a countess, but that engagement will break off before the end of the movie, and the king will marry his true love, the American maid.
If your question, “How to date a King” refers to how to determine the date the manufacture of a King trumpet, I’m afraid I can’t help you. I hope that the information that I have given you has helped you.

@j-jericho said in New Toy (not a trumpet):

@ssmith1226 That's using your head!

Not only that, but did you notice my vintage Bach Case strapped to the back?

@bigdub said in New Toy (not a trumpet):

@dale-proctor said in New Toy (not a trumpet):

@newell-post said in New Toy (not a trumpet):

Sorry. I used to love cars. Now I hate cars. They are a necessary evil, but I just want ones that start and run reliably and drive comfortably.

How about motorcycles? I like them, too…

The Honda in the foreground is the same model I took my motorcycle license test with, although it was not mine. If I am remembering correctly it’s a CB450, my friend let me borrow it.

This is my motorcycle as I transport it to my next location.

@administrator said in Arturo Sandoval:

Yes, I have seen him do this live. In fact, I published a recording of him doing this same thing at an ITG Conference on Youtube.

A number of years ago, I saw Arturo Sandoval in concert perform at the Heineken Jazz Festival in San Juan, Puerto Rico, as well as a festival in Burlington, Vermont. Both were outstanding performances by this consummate musician that included “A Night in Tunisia”.

@barliman2001 said in Arturo Sandoval:

I can play that solo as well ...
.
.
.
.
only five octaves down and twenty times slower!

Barliman2001,
You are being very modest!

I

@Kehaulani
This was posted on Facebook by “The Airmen of Note”, and on YouTube by the “United States Air Force Band”. Aren’t the Airmen of Note considered part of United States Air Force Band? I would defer to your expetise.

At the web site LaughingSquid.Com today appeared the following blog. Arturo Sandoval, for me, is a “trumpet hero” and my opinion is a candidate for GOAT, along with the few others in the rarified 99.9999999999 percentile.

Musician Arturo Sandoval Plays Six Octaves on Trumpet During ‘A Night in Tunisia’ With the US Air Force Band
LORI DORNOCTOBER 4, 2021

While performing with The United States Air Force Band, jazz great Arturo Sandovalplayed six remarkable octaves on his trumpet during the Dizzy Gillespie song “A Night in Tunisia”. Keeping pace with Sandoval on trumpet was then Chief Master Sergeant Tim Leahy. This performance took place during the “America’s Veterans: A Musical Tribute” in 2011 at The Music Center at Strathmore in North Bethesda, Maryland.
In this clip, Arturo Sandoval gives an electric performance of “A Night in Tunisia”, also featuring one the Air Force Band’s own SMSgt Tim Leahy on trumpet.

https://laughingsquid.com/playing-six-octaves-on-trumpet/

@dr-go said in A little humour:

@ssmith1226 said in A little humour:

Again, this reminds me of a retirement village resident sitting outside on a bench along the public walkway leading to the village. A scantly clothed young lady approached him and said:

" I can give you super sex".

To which the retirement resident replied:

"I'll take the soup".

The conductor of the local symphony orchestra was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the procedure, since it was considered cosmetic surgery. The doctor said that the cost would be $3,500 for a "small," $6,500 for a "medium," and $14,000 for a "large." The conductor was sure that his wife and he would want at the least a medium... and perhaps even a large. But the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The conductor called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the conductor slouched over in the chair looking quite dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."