Update for everyone: I'll probably be out of hospital some time next week.

Well, after mourning TM and my hard-earned status as fortissimo user, I'm here.

@BigDub In a local paper: "The inventor of Autocorrect just pissed away. He was an anthole. Restaurant in pieces."

@bigdub Sir Thomas Beecham is best remembered for this incident... He loved to mingle with the audience in Covent Garden during the interval. One day a guy rushed into him and without apology, asked him where the loo was. Sir Thomas told him to follow a certain passage, adding, "The first door is labelled "Ladies". Don't go in there. The second door is labelled "Gentlemen". Go in there nevertheless."

Suddenly, after a longish wait, I found "Global Moderator" beside my name... well, quite a few people here know about me from TM, but for all those who don't or who did not really care at the time, here's all about me. I don't have a fancy website - more or less because I'm busy updating my wife's website. But here's everything of interest about me:
I'm a 53-year-old Bavarian (well, German national, but I prefer my local tribe) living in Austria, near Vienna. Married to an opera singer (www.reginaschoerg.com). By trade, I am a historian.
My musical past consisted of children's choir, then the local church choir and finally, after studying voice with several renowned teachers, soloist with the Passau Cathedral Choir and the Dublin Guinness Choir. From age four, I played piano - did not really like it, but was good at it.
Until I accidentally put my hand through a glass door and cut a nerve. Fortunately, the same year I had won my first trumpet in a raffle... went on to Kinneil Band in Scotland (current British National Champions!), then back to Germany. Seven years in Ireland, playing with a number of brass bands and the Greystones Symphony, eventually conducting this orchestra. Since then, Principal Trumpet of the one and only Vienna Klezmer Orchestra (www.klezmerorchester.at) and webmaster for Munich-based Markus Fluhr Big Band (www.bbmf.de).
So far, I have performed on trumpet in twelve different countries and a total of 97 orchestras or bands (usually as a sub). I have been known to pack the car at a moment's notice and drive several days just for one interesting gig...
My finest moment in history? When I walked into a Vienna coffee house and they had a clarinet converted into a table lamp!

Feel free to contact me - I'm sure to answer.

Three important points:

1. I would be extremely honoured if Rowuk were to consent to share the Holy Office of Moderatorship.

2. I acknowledge that administrators are human beings with all human failings. But perhaps the administrator could be persuaded to open a second account as "admin - private" to voice those topics he/she/it can't address in an official capacity. Then we could soundly abuse him without abusing the office...

3. The main reason for the disappearance of TM was that no one knew who the admin was, where the community was based and how to access the server and such small technical details. I am not aware that the situation as to TB is in any way different. If we don't want to have the same thing happen to TB, we need to make sure someone else apart from the admin knows how to manage things in case the admin has toothache or the runs or is incapacitated by the three main reasons why trumpet players disappear: Drink, Dungeon or Death.

@Dr-GO
Old chestnut... Two guys are carrying a grand piano up a skyscraper - the lift was too small. Finally, on the 29th floor, one guy says to the other, "I've got good and bad news for you." - "What's the good?" - "We're on the correct floor." - "And the bad?" - "We're in the wrong house."

Just to clear up things before any misunderstandings crop up.

In the thread about graduate schools Dr. Mark became unnecessarily and personally abusive to Kehaulani. He was asked to apologize and avoid abusive language (in a Private Message), was then warned publicly and became directly abusive to me and refused to adhere to the Rule of Respect. He left one last very abusive message and left.

The Good Lord told Man, "I am going to create women for you, beautiful, obedient, and submissive. And you will find them in all four corners of the world."
And then he made the world round, and laughed.

John entered a Covid-19 Vaccine Centre and was given his first dose.
On the way home, he found he had suddenly developed severe vision problems. So he called the vaccine centre to ask whether he should see his doctor or go straight into hospital.
"Don't go to the doctor OR the hospital. Your only chance is to return here and collect the glasses you forgot!"

@dr-go As long as you're not storking me...

@bigdub Extremely rare... especially as in that picture a heron is standing in for the stork...

@_mark_ Good for you. But from now on you will need a teacher - if only to show you where you go into those pitfalls every self-taught trumpet player encounters. I suggest either Brian Graber in New Orleans who does excellent online work (https://briangraber.com) or Glenn Butler in Arizona if you're somewhere in the US; if you're somewhere in Europe, you can't go wrong with Robin Wukits (https://www.facebook.com/public/Robin-Wukits) here known as Rowuk the Sage.

Teeth don't usually matter, unless you have a massive under- or overbite. Tension is all-important, and mouthpiece pressure as well (or rather studied lack of same). The more mouthpiece pressure you put on your lips, the more important teeth become; but at the same time, the more damage you can do to your lips, ranging from occasional tingling to numbness to full-blown, even irreversible, lip paralysis. So your focus at your stage of trumpet playing should not be on high notes (and if your teacher focuses on high notes, you should immediately change to another one!), but on consistency and low pressure within the first octave. And you can achieve that by following Rowuk's Circle of Breath (it's a staple topic here, you should be able to find it easily) and a low-pressure approach by practising long low notes.

A string quartet are on the road to a recital, and their car is run over by a big truck. All of them pass away, and meet again at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter welcomes them, saying, "Well, that truck somehow was not quite planned... as compensation, you can now do almost anything, rehearse without a single cracked note, play concerts before the greatest composers of all time, and they will applaud you... there's only one caution: Never, NEVER ever step onto one of those little black clouds."
And everything goes well in heaven. They rehearse to their hearts' content, and play concerts; at one, Bach, Beethoven, Brahms and Bartók are in the audience together. But after a few weeks, the First Violinist comes to rehearsal with a horribly ugly old woman at his side... when his colleagues ask him how that came about, he just swears, "those d##n b####y little black clouds... I stepped on one, there was lightning and thunder, and there she was." The other three renew their determination never ever to step on a little black cloud... but they get careless, and first the cellist, then the Second Violin appear at rehearsal saddled with the ugliest and most screwish women in history.
After a few more months, the viola player appears at the morning rehearsal with a stunning young blonde at his side, in an extreme minimum of clothing... of course, his colleagues are curious as to what happened to him... "Oh, nothing happened to me, guys", is the viola players reply. "It's her who stepped on a little black cloud."

@m-v WELCOME BACK!!

@shifty That is one shifty solution...

A trombone player has just moved into a new home, and has invited a friend for a first viewing. The friend is duly impressed; but late in the evening, he has one question: "I don't seem to see a single clock anywhere... how do you tell the time?" - "That's simple" replies the bonist, grabs his horn and starts practising. Within a few seconds, the neighbour's window flies open: "That's monstrous! Such a noise at midnight!"

@hotair What if the seller's lack of detail results from his being not the intended seller?