Posts made by barliman2001

Speaking of salesmen...

A guy enters the local fashion outlet and asks the manager for a job. The manager does not really need another assistant, but does not want to refuse outright, so he says to the guy, "OK, there is this monstrosity of a suit in store - has been here a long time. Loud yellow checks, bell flare trousers, a frilled shirt... all the 1970s glories. Sell that by midday, and you're hired."
An hour later, the guy comes to the office with the copy of the cash receipt for that suit. "Oh, really?" says the manager. "What did the guy say about that suit?" - "Nothing, really. Only his guide dog barked a bit."

This one is a bit lengthy, but good...

A professional tuba player goes to his doctor, complaining about constant headaches. After a series of tests, the doc puts on his "Its serious" face and explains: "See here, you are a tuba player. Most of your professional life you have been sitting down, in a cramped position, with your instrument between your legs. Thus, your, em, balls have been squeezed, and this has caused your headaches. Try sitting differently, and come back in a week."
The tuba player tries to sit differently in orchestra and gets horrible back pains added to the headaches. So he goes back to the doc and tells him about it. The doc puts on his "it's even more serious than I thought" face and says, "Ok, so your headaches have become chronic. There is no other way out of it - we will have to remove your balls entirely."
"No other way, doc?" -
"No other way, or you'll eventually go mad from your headaches." -
"Well, then..."
After the operation, the tuba player really has no headaches any more. It feels like a new life. And so he celebrates this new life by transforming himself. No mor grubby sweaters and jeans for him - he has to have a smart suit and all the trimmings. So he goes into the best men's fashion outlet in town and asks for a suit. The salesman tells him, "I've got just the thing for you," and returns with a light blue suit which fits perfectly. "How did you know light blue is my favourite colour?" - "Oh, I can estimate people's tastes pretty accurately, not only sizes... it fits, doesn't it?" - "Fits perfectly. I think I'l have a shirt to go with the suit as well." - "Certainly, sir. This one?" - "Wonderful, that dark blue shirt... and again, fits perfectly. Now for some new underwear as well." - "Of course. Here's the fitting vest for you. For the underpants I'll have to go back - I've only got size 5 here, and you need size 7." - "But I've always worn size 5..." - "Too small for you. You're a size 7. Otherwise, your balls will get squeezed, and you'll have constant headaches."

@SSmith1226 Oh, the sethoflagos method... he can buy any trumpet he wants, as long as he pays the value of the trumpet into his wife's jewellery account...

@SSmith1226 So you did get that Stomvi corno... does Barbara know?

@Vulgano-Brother When I was still playing in a brass quintet - can't seem to get one together these days - we had an external musical director who not only supervised our rehearsing, but wrote original music for us as well. Worked perfectly and brought a bunch of rank amateurs (as we then were) into all the big local concert halls... even though some of the original music was distinctly weird: "Variations on Greensleeves", with every variation representing a different period of music history: va. 1 a Bach fugue, var. 2 a Mozart minuet, var. 3 Beethovenesque, var. 4 Bruckner, var. 5 a military march, var. 6 Wagnerian, var. 7 being dodecaphonic...

@pss That's the original page... https://www.ebay.at/itm/französische-C-Trompete/133097781504?ssPageName=STRK%3AMEBIDX%3AIT&_trksid=p2060353.m2750.l2649

Hi,
I've just snared a Gaudet C trumpet on fleabay which from the pictures could only have been a Courtois... typical pinkie hook (but without the hole to make AC), typical Courtois valves, typical Courtois water keys... but the engraving on the bell says "Gaudet, France". It was a mere € 250 so not much lost in any event (no other bidder!), but I'd like to know more. Anyone out there willing to part with essential knowledge? Nothing on horn-u-copia.

@N1684T Andalucia

@Niner No, that's just Chinese brassiness at bringing Germany in...

@Kehaulani But that is what is happening with Coronation Brass - every single year! And somehow, it works!

@Bob-Pixley Yes, indeed... but put together a band and play for the public without a single rehearsal, with the players only getting the music and the set list an hour before performance?

@BigDub I'm in again for playing at the European Folklore Festival in Bitburg, Germany, with Welsh brass band Coronation Brass. ssmith1226 knows the routine, and has gone through that; but for every one else, I'll tell of the procedure.
Every year, a scratch band is formed for this event - mostly by word of mouth and b e-mail. Then, from the four corners of the earth, around 25 people gather in Bitburg on a Friday afternoon, have a drink or two together and get handed a folder of sheet music from the Great British Brass Band Repertoire, usually containing two or three big Championship Section test pieces of the past, a couple of marches and a selection from the musical cheeseboard. And then everyone is told to don their black tie outfits and be ready to play (i.e. perform in front of an eexpectant public) within the hour, for two to three hours, and then have a go at drinking the brewery cellars empty. Next morning, after breakfast, play three minor half-hour gigs, then a big two-hour event, then another all-night open air concert... and repeat until Monday evening. In all, from Friday to Monday, Coronation Brass manages to squeeze in more or less fifteen hours performance time.
No rehearsal, just sight reading.
And the crowds love it.

Quite a number of player manage to help out in other bands while Coronation Brass is officially resting...

@SSmith1226 Steve, you're too modest and underrating your own ability. I've sat beside you for many hours of rehearsing and performing, and you were the most reliable second trumpet I've ever had when playing in an orchestra with only two trumpet players in a sea of - let's be neutral and say, Others.

@SSmith1226 That reminds me of the deathbed of Solomon Grinspan. He's in his bedroom, surrounded by all his family. Feebly, he calls the names: "Rachel, my wife, are you here?" - "Yes, dearest." - "Abraham, my son, are you here?" - "Yes, Father, I am here." - " Aaron, my son, are you here?" - "Yes, Father, I am here." - "Rebecca, my daughter, are you here?" - "Yes, Father, I am by your side." Then, suddenly, old Solomon lifts himself up and cries aloud, "And who's in the shop??"

@Dr-GO ...and someone could be a humorous person adept at joining string with two needles - the knit wit...

Yesterday, a blaze that started at Bo'ness Sportsground in Bo'ness, Scotland, destroyed the adjacent bandhall that the members of Kinneil Band erected in 1858 and which served as the band's home ever since. The recently refurbished bandhall was a total loss, with total loss of all contents (percussion instruments, many brass instruments, sheet music, uniforms). Whoever wishes to help or donate can do so via their website www.kinneilband.co.uk or their FB site., or can contact Band Secretary Robert Doherty (https://www.facebook.com/robert.doherty.944).

@J-Jericho A wildly gesticulating conductor gets a viola players eye with the baton. Says the viola player: "If you do that once more, I'l never look at you again!°

@SSmith1226 There is a similar story about a Sultan's wish to see into the future. They brought an astrologer and clairvoyant who consulted the stars and his crystal ball and with a very sad face, came to the Sultan, saying, "Oh plentiful ruler, a sad future awaits you... All your family will die before you and you will yourself die a lonely man." - "Miserable worm! Get him the bastinado! And another soothsayer!"
The new man saw his predecessor howling in pain and approached the Sultan with his findings: "Oh happiest of mortals! I can predict a very long life for you. In fact, you will survive all of your greedy and mischievous relations!" - "A true wise man. Give him a life-long pension!"

@trickg Unfortunately, I don't play it as well. The case is hand-signed as well.

@Voltrane More or less the same, except for the ring on #3 valve slide which mine does not have. Mine is bare brass and has two leadpipes (your leadpipe is not original) as well as an additional longer slide for #4 valve.