@Dr-Mark In our Big Band (or rather dance orchestra) we are carrying TWO two-inch folders... And one for the current setlist... but then, we play up to thirty five-piece sets in one gig, and need to be prepared for the audience to ask for specific pieces... and many halls can't provide enough sockets or wiring for 29 ipads... batteries don't last long enough for, say, Austrian weddings which can last up to twenty-four hours!
No miracles or vise grips involved - just a talent and a good training as a countertenor needed. Check out Edson Codreiro:
@BigDub I met that guy when he came home from the African safari - we met at an airport whie we were waiting for our connections. He told me that apart from seeing that elephant,he had a close encounter with a lion that entered his tent. He took off at speed, not wanting to be a lion's breakfast. And so they ran - the guy in front, the lion behind. Until the guy could not run any more. He just stood there and faced the lion, "and suddenly, the lion slipped and fell down". - "And you just stood there? Wow! I would have sh*it my pants." - "Well, what do you think the lion slipped on?"
How do you get a rhino into a freezer?
Open door, yes-
NO.
Giraffe out, rhino in, close door.
@BigDub In the same spirit:
How do you get a giraffe into a freezer?
Open door, giraffe goes in, close door.
On a serious basis: Fighting is another way of expressing interest, even sometimes of feeling within a family. For me at least, the lack of impassioned discussion with all its proliferations means that so far, there is no feeling "I'm at home here". It's like being in the entrance hall of a posh hotel - not even a rock star would seriously misbehave there. The damage is done in the privacy of the room...
An old Austrian farmer - the kind who's still wearing leather trousers every day - gets a talking to by his wife. "You really should start wearing underpants at your age," she says. "It's much warmer and cleaner. I bought you a pair for your first trial." - "Ok" he says and puts them on before setting out for the fields. At midday, he feels the need for some relief and retires behind a hedge, lowering his leathers but forgetting the new underpants. After finishing what he came to do, he grudgingly concedes that his wife was right. "It's much warmer," he says to himself, and, looking behind him,"it's much cleaner, too!"
A guy has massive problems with bed-wetting at night. He's been through several courses of medication - no solution. Finally, he's sent to a psychotherapist. A few days later, he meets an old friend who is surprised to find his bed-wetting friend not despondent, but radiant. "Why are you looking so happy?" he asks. "It's because of that psychotherapist." the other one explains. - "It really worked?" - "No, but now I'm enjoying it!"
Eminent psychiatrist passes away unexpectedly and goes to heaven. He is mildly surprised at the Pearly Gates to be met by a confused St. Peter who rushes him in and exclaims, "Sorry for rushing you up a bit early... but we've got a very bad case of megalomania on our hands... The Good Lord is always waving His arms around and is thinking he is Karajan!"
Definition of Alzheimer's Alcoholism:
You drink a lot and then forget to pay for it.
"Doctor, my hands are always shaking so badly..." -
"That comes from too much drink!" -
"Can't be that, Doc, I'm spilling most of it..."
Bass player at the psychologist:
"Doc, no one pays any attention to me..."
Doc: "Next, please!"
@Bay-Area-Brass The largest school of music in Vienna - in spite of the old-established District Schools of Music and the Vienna City School of Music - is the Yamaha School of Music with currenty more than 900 students... World-wide, the Yamaha Schools of Music boast of more than 600,000 students... No other music company has that kind of universal approach.
@chelpres The "ue" in German is somewhere between a U "oo" and an i "ee". Reminding yourself of a Scottish accent, you might phonetically write it "ui" as in Scottish "puir" for "poor".
@Bay-Area-Brass Yamahas don't dominate the American market (yet); but in other countries, they are bloody ubiquitous and have swamped the student market at least. And that is where market domination begins. Someone who started on a good student trumpet will stick to the brand if he was in any way successful on it. Now where is the American student trumpet that can hold up against a Yamaha? I know of none.
@adc The Studio trumpets are amazing, too... I scored one two years back, a total closet queen that probably had never been played before... original case, original #3 mouthpiece, original wrapping, original paperwork... $150 on ebay... my #1 horn for anything but big band.
OK - I'm back from Bitburg, and have come back to life sufficiently to tell you about how it was this time.
Friday, 4 am: Get up, quick clean, load up the rather tiny car with three brass players, four cases and five instruments. Eight hour drive to Bitburg. Short lunch. Get music, change into informal band gear and play a two-hour gig sight reading. six hours of revelry and drinking afterwards.
Saturday: Play a 15-minute gig at the Opening of the Festival (new repertoire - all sight-reading). Help out the local band on baritone horn for their 15-min gig. Have free lunch and drinks. Play two-hour open air gig (again, not a single repeated piece). Have dinner and more drinks. Play from 8 pm until lights out at 10 (again, not a single repeated piece. Soprano player is asked whether he ever did the Penny Lane solo. Replies, no, but will try. Nails the solo perfectly, says, "I was too drunk to miss anything". More drinks until 2 pm.
Sunday, 10 am, the beer fountain opens up. Free beer for everyone for half an hour. Asked to help out local band on baritone, play a 90-minute gig with them, again sight-reading. After gig, asked to continue helping out at 2 pm. I'm a helpfu guy, so, yes. Coffee and superb rhubarb cake at local bakery. At 5 pm, play 90-minute gig with Coronation Brass (repiano cornet). 30 minutes for a quick shower and dress up in dinner jacket for Flag Ceremony. Assistant Principal already too drunk to attend. After Flag Ceremony, race back to open air stage to play from 8-10 pm. Several pieces played before!! Sop player asked to do Penny Lane again.
Drinks and revelry until 3 am.
Monday, 10-12 assistance to the local band on baritone. 2-4 pm Coronation Brass open air concert. Sop player asked to do Penny Lane again. Another round of drinks. Assistant Principal spills full bottle of red wine on white shirt and dinner jacket. Solo Horn player throws up and has hurriedly to leave the stage. First trombone changes to Eb Alto bone and plays Alto horn solo from "Malaguena". Colour Party of US Marines comes along (Bitburg has a US garrison), Bb bass player borrows officer's sword to behead a champagne bottle. Bottle crashes into thousands of splinters, champagne spilled all over Colour Party, sword has a clear dent and won't return to sheath. Rush over to Town Hall to play a one-hour gala concert there. Penny Lane as encore. Rush back to open air stage to play from 8 pm until "light too bad". Town has installed new lighting so that one COULD play all night. No pre-set programme, but pieces asked for by band members and audience. Penny Lane requested by two thirds of the band. Play until 11.30 pm, then Penny Lane as encore. Sop player celebrated as a hero, has twenty free beers shoved at him. Does not succumb (he's a Russian!). Clear up stage, dress in civvies, CELEBRATE. Beer fountain specially opened up just for Coronation Brass. Celebrate until breakfast.
Tuesday: After a late breakfast, pack up things, bundle into cars and return home (wherever that may be). For me, a twelve-hour drive home (many rests in between...)
See you next year, Bitburg!!