Posts made by moshe

@J-Jericho said in Artist on BOARD:

@BigDub Several years ago Yahoo! lost a number of months of my important e-mail. It took me about a year to transition to gmail, but I'm glad I did. My wife still suffers with Yahoo!, but her account is enormous, and she's been reluctant to change. She started the move to gmail recently; it's going to take awhile.

(There's a hint in this message somewhere; I bet it won't take you long to discover what it is.)

I lost years' worth of Hotmail "in box" because the software dumped the entire inbox into deleted,
then the software had no "restore entire folder" button.

The restore button would only appear as available for individual emails in the deleted folder,
which would have required clicking hundreds of times.

Hotmail support offered me no solutions when I emailed them.

Morris / moshe

complaint:

I receive at least 10 emails every day offering to treat "E.D."

Who told?

Did someone leak my medical records to the marketers?

If they really wanted to treat my ED,
they would send me a 21-year-old blonde...

(and note that I said blonde, not blond, that's important...)
https://grammarist.com/usage/blond-blonde/

That link says that I am "sexist" for using the word "blonde"...

Morris / moshe

@Pinstriper said in "Star Trek Next Generation":

TNG dealt two fatal blows to my willingness to suspend my disbelief.

The first was when they find a copy of Scotty stuck in the memory banks of an abandoned hulk ship.

The second was the flashback to Piccard getting stabbed in the heart as a young man.

From then on I wondered why they didn't just burn off a CD or ZIP drive copy (this was before USB thumb drives, you see) of the signal in the transporter, to be used to restore your body from backup if you ever got seriously injured, sick, or even just old and fat (or in this case, bald).

Yeah, there's the short term memory loss by going back to the moment you were sampled in the transporter. But hey, just once a day you pop into the booth and take a backup. Most you lose is day's activity. You could make it part of your morning routine, like using the bathroom or shower when you wake up.

In every iteration of Star Trek for 30 years,
even if they encounter 100 new races on the other side of the galaxy,
they all speak perfect English.

Meanwhile, I can't even understand whatever language William Shakespeare wrote in here on Earth a few hundred years ago ...

Morris / moshe

@BigDub said in A little humour:

@moshe said in A little humour:

@BigDub said in A little humour:

@moshe said in A little humour:

@neal085 said in A little humour:

Friends of mine just got back from a cruise. Said they bought a slice of pie for $3.00 in Jamaica, but paid over $7.00 for the same pie in the Bahamas.

Anyway, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

And I thought that my puns were bad

I never saw it coming ...

Morris / moshe

In the world of Puns, bad is good, smelly is swell-ie.
The less sophistication it possesses, the higher the elevation to which it rises.
At least that is what I say to defend my own puns.
And, lastly, if one is easily embarrassed, one had better not enter the arena of puns.

There are arenas of puns?

Pun gladiators?

Pun matadors?

Peanut vendors?

Morris / moshe

Well.......in a manner of speaking......yes.....
And I had already used, "world of puns" so I resisted the lazy approach and came up with another nomenclature (how'd you like that description?) .
And as far as gladiators, maybe more like couch pertaters.
Instead of Matadors, maybe Bull throwers?
Peanut venders? I don’t know, you can’t spell PUN without them letters right there.

For those who are not multi-lingual like I am,

"matador" is French for "I love me"

and "gladitaters" is Arkansas for "happy mountain oysters".

I don't mean to brag,
but I am completely illiterate in 27 languages.

Morris / moshe

I love to watch the intensity on Bill's face as he's playing.

Youtube Video

It's like his head is going to explode from the pressure.

Morris / moshe

@BigDub said in A little humour:

@moshe said in A little humour:

@neal085 said in A little humour:

Friends of mine just got back from a cruise. Said they bought a slice of pie for $3.00 in Jamaica, but paid over $7.00 for the same pie in the Bahamas.

Anyway, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

And I thought that my puns were bad

I never saw it coming ...

Morris / moshe

In the world of Puns, bad is good, smelly is swell-ie.
The less sophistication it possesses, the higher the elevation to which it rises.
At least that is what I say to defend my own puns.
And, lastly, if one is easily embarrassed, one had better not enter the arena of puns.

There are arenas of puns?

Pun gladiators?

Pun matadors?

Peanut vendors?

Morris / moshe

Tomorrow is the 45th anniversary of the death of Bill Chase on August 9, 1974.

October 20, 1934 – August 9, 1974

Instead of being in a constant state of mourning,
let's also celebrate his 85th birthday on October 20th.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Chase

Morris / moshe

@neal085 said in A little humour:

Friends of mine just got back from a cruise. Said they bought a slice of pie for $3.00 in Jamaica, but paid over $7.00 for the same pie in the Bahamas.

Anyway, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

And I thought that my puns were bad

I never saw it coming ...

Morris / moshe

"This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience"

I'd get an even better experience if you switched to chocolate pudding...

Morris / moshe

@Vulgano-Brother said in glad there's no fighting here:

Cheaper with deer. Two under a buck.

I read that,
thought I understood it,
but didn't get the pun until I read it again 10 minutes later

Morris / moshe

@BigDub said in A little humour:

Does a large bore make you sleepy?
What do sheep count?
What does Dracula count?
Nothing exceeds like excess.
Practice makes perfect. Nobody’s perfect. In that case, Nobody practices.
"Nothing rhymes with orange"...no it doesn’t.

Encore !!!
Encore !!!
Encore !!!

Morris / moshe

@administrator said in glad there's no fighting here:

We are almost to 200 users. I suspect when we get the 40k+ that TH has, we might see a few more issues. Nevertheless, I already have an edge on them simply because I use software newer than 2005.

Your title is "global moderator"?

Even the President of the United States
is not responsible for the entire globe.

Or is "globe" a euphemism for testicles
and you just tell men to turn their heads and cough?

Morris / moshe

@tmd said in "Star Trek Next Generation":

@moshe said in "Star Trek Next Generation":

Captain Jean-Luc Picard had a French name but a British accent,
and 500 years in the future there still was no cure for baldness?

Morris / moshe

And no cure for Kirk's nearsightedness (he's allergic to Retinox 5).

BTW, when I saw the title was Star Trek NG, I expected a musical question, like "What song did Riker play on the trombone in Ten-Forward?" ... I Remember You.

Mike

My favorite unintended humor
was when Captain Picard was standing next to Will Riker
and Picard said to Worf, "Fire at will".

Morris / moshe

@Shifty

Back in the 1990's I had a doctor from India.
He had a very heavy accent.
I was hard of hearing.
Those 2 things made a bad combination.

He once asked me, "Have you had your tie rod checked?"

25 years earlier a mechanic told me that my parent's car had a bent tie rod.
I had no idea what a tie rod was.
Now my diabetes doctor wanted to know if my car had a bad tie rod?
I asked him to repeat the question.
He again asked if I had had my tie rod checked.
I felt very embarrassed about my obvious hearing problem.

Then it finally struck me:
"Have you had your thyroid checked?"

20 years earlier my boss at the hamburger restaurant thought that I was such a great cook that he would try me on cash register.
Go figure...
One of the first customers ordered a milk shake.
I asked "What flavor?"
He replied, "What cha got?"
I asked "What flavor?"
He replied, "What cha got?"
I asked "What flavor?"
He replied, "What cha got?"

He finally stared me right in the eye and growled, "CHOC-O-LATE".

The boss moved me back to the grill....

Morris / moshe

@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:

I just stumbled across the following advice. It looked so wise, yet so simple, that I felt the need to share it. It is titled, “Five Ways For A Man To Be Completely Happy”. By reversing the sexes I’m sure that this applies equally as well to the female members of this forum.

Five Ways For A Man To Be Completely Happy

1. Be with a woman who who makes you laugh.
2. Be with a woman who gives you her time.
3. Be with a Woman who takes care of you.
4. Be with a woman who really loves you.
5. Finally, make sure that these four woman don’t know each other.

Be with a woman who won't divorce you after 34 years.

I know from very painful experience.

I'm a Pentecostal Baptist,
but maybe a Mormon has an extra wife he can spare... ???

(will the moderator let that one through?)

Morris / moshe

@Tobylou8 said in glad there's no fighting here:

@moshe said in glad there's no fighting here:

@Tobylou8 said in glad there's no fighting here:

What's that extra finger doing in there ???

Morris / moshe

Huh?

Your innocence is so admirable.

:^)

Morris / moshe

@oldpete said in glad there's no fighting here:

You can't fight in here. This is the War Room. (some will know )

Dr Strangelove !!!!

@Dr-GO said in "Star Trek Next Generation":

@moshe said in "Star Trek Next Generation":
...and 500 years in the future there still was no cure for baldness?

Morris / moshe

Physician to patient:
"There is no shame in being bald,"

Patient back to doctor:
"Doctor, that depends on how you spell it."

Feigning bewilderment, "I'm afraid you'll have to explain that to me. I'm from Missouri..."

Captain Jean-Luc Picard had a French name but a British accent,
and 500 years in the future there still was no cure for baldness?

Morris / moshe

@Tobylou8 said in glad there's no fighting here:

What's that extra finger doing in there ???

Morris / moshe