A little humour
-
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
Fo 'Drizzle!!
-
A group of friends went to a new restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took the order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When another waiter brought the water and cutlery, one of the men noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then he looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve the soup the customer asked: “Why the spoon?”
“Well,” he explained. “The restaurant’s owners revamped all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately three spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.”As luck would have it, the customer then dropped his spoon and the waiter was able to replace it with his spare.
“I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.”The customer also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zipper on his trousers. Looking around, he noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, the customer asked the waiter: “Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?”
“Oh, certainly!” Then he lowered his voice. “Not everyone is so observant. The owners also found out that we can save time in the bathroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the bathroom by 76.39 per cent.”The customer asked: “After you get it out, how do you put it back?”
“Well,” he whispered. “I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.” -
... Then there's the old one about the man who orders a bowl of soup in a restaurant:
Diner - "Waiter, would you please come over here?"
Waiter - "Yes, sir? How may I help you?"
Diner - "Taste the soup."
Waiter - "Is there something wrong with the soup?"
Diner - "Taste the soup."
Waiter - "Is the soup not hot enough?"
Diner - "Taste the soup."
Waiter - "Is the flavor not to your liking?"
Diner - "Taste the soup."
Waiter - "All right, if you insist, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?"
Diner - "My point exactly!"
'62 Olds Studio Trumpet
'67 Olds Special Trumpet
2013 Dillon Pocket Trumpet
'83 Yamaha YFH-731 Flugelhorn
1919 York Perfec-Tone Cornet
'50 Olds Studio Trombone
Shofar"If it was just up to me, I'd only have trumpet players on my show." - Jackie Gleason
-
@J-Jericho said in A little humour:
... Then there's the old one about the man who orders a bowl of soup in a restaurant:
Diner - "Waiter, would you please come over here?"
Waiter - "Yes, sir? How may I help you?"
Diner - "Taste the soup."
Waiter - "Is there something wrong with the soup?"
Diner - "Taste the soup."
Waiter - "Is the soup not hot enough?"
Diner - "Taste the soup."
Waiter - "Is the flavor not to your liking?"
Diner - "Taste the soup."
Waiter - "All right, if you insist, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?"
Diner - "My point exactly!"
In a very posh restaurant:
Diner: "Waiter, my plate is wet!"
Waiter: "Excuse me, sir, that is the soup."
-
The Scottish recipe for tomato soup?
Hot water in a red bowl.
-
Whatever happened to Peter Cetera's brother Et?
'62 Olds Studio Trumpet
'67 Olds Special Trumpet
2013 Dillon Pocket Trumpet
'83 Yamaha YFH-731 Flugelhorn
1919 York Perfec-Tone Cornet
'50 Olds Studio Trombone
Shofar"If it was just up to me, I'd only have trumpet players on my show." - Jackie Gleason
-
@J-Jericho said in A little humour:
Whatever happened to Peter Cetera's brother Et?
He married and took the surname of his wife, Aliis.
Courtois Balanced
Courtois D
Olds Recording
Buescher Aristocrat
Gaudet C
Selmer G
Courtois 154 Flugelhorn
Besson International Bb cornet
Courtois Bb cornet
B&H Sovereign Soprano Cornet
B&H Sovereign trombone
Willy Garreis trombone
Weltklang Euph -
@barliman2001 said in A little humour:
@J-Jericho said in A little humour:
Whatever happened to Peter Cetera's brother Et?
He married and took the surname of his wife, Aliis.
But couldn't perform in marital bliss so thought if he changed his fist name to Cee, all would be corrected.
-
On the brink, I know...
Why do so many elderly men have huge bellies?
So that the poor out-of-work dwarf down there at least has a roof over his head... -
Doctor to wife: "I'm sorry, but your husband is dead."
Husband (from the bed): "Hey, that's not true!"
Wife: "You shut your mouth. The doctor knows what he is doing." -
Mother to daughter:
"Make sure that you marry a soldier." -
"Why, Mum?" -
"He can cook, clean and make beds, he'll be away for long periods and most important, he has learnt to follow orders." -
"How many pets do you have, Gillian?" -
"Oh, quite a few... a Jaguar in the garage, a mink in the closet, a stallion in bed and an ass who's paying for everything..." -
Mushroom omelette can be a once-in-a-lifetime experience...
-
A family has been out in the woods gathering mushrooms; their cook lovingly prepares a wonderful mushroom soup. They all share in the soup, and even the doggie gets his share. Suddenly, during the roast, the cook rushes in, "The dog's dead!"
The family race to the nearest hospital to get their stomachs pumped. Several hours later, they return home, pale and chastised... the youngest can gather enough strength to ask the cook, "Did the poor dog suffer badly?" - "Oh no, my child," says the cook. "He was run over by a truck and died instantly." -
-
-
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man: “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The man groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became impatient.
“Sir,” the usher said. “If you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.”
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. A few moments later, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked: “All right buddy, what’s your name?”
“ Sam,” the man moaned.
“Where ya from, Sam?” the cop asked.
And with pain in his voice, Sam replied: “The balcony.”Steve Smith
-
A woman surprises her friend as she is emptying out the ashes of her late husband down the toilet... "I suppose you're entitled to an explanation," says the widow. "He always wanted to be buried at sea - so now he can start making his way there!"
-
A clarinet is only acceptable when the letters "in" are taken out...
-
@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man: “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The man groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became impatient.
“Sir,” the usher said. “If you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.”
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. A few moments later, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked: “All right buddy, what’s your name?”
“ Sam,” the man moaned.
“Where ya from, Sam?” the cop asked.
And with pain in his voice, Sam replied: “The balcony.”The Bavarian poet Ludwig Thoma did not like the Opera very much, but he was always invited to premiere performances and simply HAD to go. Usually, he went to sleep during the overture, and woke up in time for the final applause. One day, he overslept the applause and was finally wakened by an usher saying, "Excuse me, sir, but you are only allowed to sleep in the Opera house as long as the performance lasts..."
