Best posts made by SSmith1226

ESTATE PLANNING:
My buddy Dave was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. 
He knew that he would inherit a fortune once his sickly father died.
Dave wanted two things:
• to learn how to invest his inheritance and,
• to find a wife to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. 
Her natural beauty took his breath away .
I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.
 
Two weeks later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

Important announcement from Berkley School of Music

How to conduct the National Brass Ensemble:

@Dr-GO said in Woodworking?:

Had to run a heater in the garage to keep the water from freezing in the stone cutter. Did the entire profect (facing wall not pictured) for $380.00!

and $2,500 of electricity to run the heater!

@Brian-Moon said in A little humour:

What is the proof that jellyfish have been around that long?

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/10/071030211210.htm

Fossil Record Reveals Elusive Jellyfish More Than 500 Million Years Old
Date:
November 2, 2007
Source:
Public Library of Science
Summary:
Using recently discovered 'fossil snapshots' found in rocks more than 500 million years old, researchers have described the oldest definitive jellyfish ever found. The researchers describe four types of cnidarian fossils preserving traits that allow them to be related to modern orders and families of jellyfish. The specimens are about 200 million years older than the oldest previously discovered jellyfish fossils.

https://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/07/science/07jellyfish.html?referringSource=articleShare

In a second article from the peer reviewed journal, “The New York Times”:
Yet if any taxonomic dynasty is entitled to the originalist mantle, to the designation of genuine emblematic earthling animal, and also to brand the rest of us the alien arrivistes, it is the jellyfish. A diverse group of thousands of species of gooey, saclike invertebrates found throughout the world, the jellyfish are preposterously ancient, dating back 600 million to 700 million years or longer. That’s roughly twice as old as the earliest bony fish and insects, three times the age of the first dinosaurs.

@IrishTrumpeter

I would contest the election and see whether I could get out of it.

@Tobylou8 said in A little humour:

Did you hear? Spiderman made a winter coat out of Greek bread. It was a Pita Parka!

Well to be frank, I’d have to change my name.

@BigDub said in How about a "Random Meaningless Image...let's see them string"?:

He only started that journey an hour and a half before someone took that photo, I bet.

Slow and steady wins the race.

@bigdub said in A little humour:

@ssmith1226 said in A little humour:

@bigdub

Sorry! Maybe this will put the humor back into it:
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan!

We geniuses should know better than to waste our time trying to stare at these visual puzzles and finally figure out there are differences all over the place!

Perhaps we should establish a branch of “Trumpet Board Mensa”.

The Past, Present , and Future walk into a bar. It was Tense!!!

All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades.

One knight told his best friend, “My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusades.”

The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching.

Thinking it might be an important message from the town, the knights halted.
A horseman approached. It was the knight’s best friend. He yelled, “Hey, you gave me the wrong key!”

Did you ever wonder why going above double high c may not be safe?

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she has a near-death experience. During that experience, she sees God and asks if this is it. God says NO and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live. Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck - you name it, she had it. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she's got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out of the hospital after the last operation when she is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrives in front of God and asks, "I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?" "Oh, " Said God. "I didn't recognize you."