Best posts made by SSmith1226

There was a man who worked for the
Post Office whose job was to process
all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed
in a shaky handwriting to God
with no actual address.
He thought he should open it
to see what it was about.
The letter read:
Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow,
living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse.
It had $100 in it, which was
all the money I had until my
next pension payment.
Next Sunday is Christmas,
and I had invited two of my friends
over for dinner. Without that money,
I have nothing to buy food with,
have no family to turn to,
and you are my only hope.
Can you please help me?
Sincerely, Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers..
Each one dug into his or her wallet
and came up with a few dollars..
By the time he made the rounds,
he had collected $96, which they
put into an envelope and sent
to the woman. The rest of the day,
all the workers felt a warm glow
thinking of Edna and the dinner
she would be able to share
with her friends...
Christmas came and went.
A few days later, another letter
came from the same old lady to God.
All the workers gathered around
while the letter was opened.
It read:
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me ?
Because of your gift of love,
I was able to fix a glorious dinner
for my friends. We had a very nice
day and I told my friends of your
wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing.
I think it might have been those
bastards at the post office.
Sincerely,
Edna

Can't please everyone..

An old one but good:

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like they do every day. Abe turns to Sol and says: “Do you think there’s baseball in heaven?”
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies: “I don’t know. But let’s make a deal – if I die first, I’ll come back and tell you if there’s baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same.”
They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on.
One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper: “Sol… Sol…”

Sol responds: “Abe! Is that you?”
“Yes it is, Sol,” whispers Abe’s ghost.
Sol, still amazed, asks: “So, is there baseball in heaven?”
“Well,” says Abe, “I’ve got good news and bad news.”

“Give me the good news first,” says Sol.
Abe says: “Well, there is baseball in heaven.”
Sol says: “That’s great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?”
Abe replies: “You’re pitching on Friday.”

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked: “If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?”
“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.

“Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?” the man asked.
“No, I don’t waste time fishing,” the homeless man said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”
“Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?” the man asked.
“Are you nuts!” replied the homeless man. “I haven’t played golf in 20 years!”

“Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?” the man asked.
“What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?” exclaimed the homeless man.
“Well,” said the man, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”
The homeless man was astounded. “Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”

The man replied: “That’s okay. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex.”

I found an article today titled “ 17 memes you’ll understand if you love-to-hate being a classical musician”. Here are a few of them. I will put the link below as well.

https://www.classicfm.com/discover-music/humour/classical-music-memes-for-musicians/

Murphy applied for a fork-lift operator post at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin.

A Norwegian applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.

When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.
The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give the Norwegian the job.

Murphy,... "And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job.”

Manager, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong.”

Murphy, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another?

Manager "Simple; on question number 7 the Norwegian wrote down
'I don't know.’

You put down, 'Neither do I.

@tjcombo

@GeorgeB said in Vale Ennio Morricone:
In the Giufreddi series there are a lot of lip burners that are beyond my ability but I managed to play I Promessi Sposi but had to drop an octave on those high Cs near the end because my old chops were tiring. But, man, that was a pretty piece of music, and great playing by Giufreddi, of course.

I have to agree with George’s response to the discussion and memorialization of Ennio Morricone. On the other hand I didn’t want to derail and dilute this tribute to Ennio Morricone with my response to this. I have thus started this new discussion branching out to Andrea Giufreddi. Although Mr. Giufreddi does not know me personally, I am grateful to him because he has helped my playing immensely. I will tell you about my own experience with Mr. Giufreddi’s work. Keep in mind that I am a four year comeback player so this experience will not be applicable or relevant to all on this site.
I fortunately stumbled across Andrea Giufreddi’s work about 9 months ago with the release of his first basic pedagogic play along YouTube release, “Legato # 1”. This was very basic but allowed one to listen and watch how he played each portion of this flexibility exercise, along with a rhythm section track before the listener’s turn to repeat without him, but with the same rhythm track. This automatically met and made it necessary to follow the “rest as much as you play” recommendation of practice. In addition listening to, and trying to imitate his unbelievable “sound”, day in and day out, is another big “plus”. A further added bonus is that you are now playing “music” with an accompanist track as you practice basic exercises. Since the first release in this series nine months ago, he has released fourteen other basic instructional videos following the same formula. The 15 videos currently take me 1:45 to complete.
I generally do these exercises about five days a week and try and practice seven days per week if possible. The following is the order I do them:

Cichowicz Flow Study n. 1
Cichowicz Flow Study n. 2
Legato #1
Legato #2
Legato #3
Flexibility #1
Flexibility #2
Octaves #1
Clarke Technical Studies #2 (Full Version)
Vocalise #1
Arban First Studies n. 11/12
Arban First Studies n. 13/14
Arban First Studies n. 15/16
Arban First Studies n. 17/18
How To Double Tongue

At this point (1 hr 45 min) I will supplement these with some of Andrea Giufreddi’s many Orchestral Excerpts, Play Along selections, Play With Me pieces, or other music that I am working on. Alternatively I will come back later in the day or evening various of these selections or Schlosberg, Irons, Charlier, music that I am working on, etc. As new basic exercises are released, I add them to my routine. This also has the added benefit of painlessly increasing my endurance.

At any rate, since I posted six of Mr. Giufreddi’s play along selections on the “Vale Ennio Morricone” discussion, I wanted to publicly thank Mr. Giufreddi for the help he has given me, as well as the many tens of thousands around the world that follow him and benefit from his instructional and play along videos.

At the web site LaughingSquid.Com today appeared the following blog. Arturo Sandoval, for me, is a “trumpet hero” and my opinion is a candidate for GOAT, along with the few others in the rarified 99.9999999999 percentile.

Musician Arturo Sandoval Plays Six Octaves on Trumpet During ‘A Night in Tunisia’ With the US Air Force Band
LORI DORNOCTOBER 4, 2021

While performing with The United States Air Force Band, jazz great Arturo Sandovalplayed six remarkable octaves on his trumpet during the Dizzy Gillespie song “A Night in Tunisia”. Keeping pace with Sandoval on trumpet was then Chief Master Sergeant Tim Leahy. This performance took place during the “America’s Veterans: A Musical Tribute” in 2011 at The Music Center at Strathmore in North Bethesda, Maryland.
In this clip, Arturo Sandoval gives an electric performance of “A Night in Tunisia”, also featuring one the Air Force Band’s own SMSgt Tim Leahy on trumpet.

https://laughingsquid.com/playing-six-octaves-on-trumpet/

@barliman2001 said in Community Band:

@BigDub I'm in again for playing at the European Folklore Festival in Bitburg, Germany, with Welsh brass band Coronation Brass. ssmith1226 knows the routine, and has gone through that; but for every one else, I'll tell of the procedure.
Every year, a scratch band is formed for this event - mostly by word of mouth and b e-mail. Then, from the four corners of the earth, around 25 people gather in Bitburg on a Friday afternoon, have a drink or two together and get handed a folder of sheet music from the Great British Brass Band Repertoire, usually containing two or three big Championship Section test pieces of the past, a couple of marches and a selection from the musical cheeseboard. And then everyone is told to don their black tie outfits and be ready to play (i.e. perform in front of an eexpectant public) within the hour, for two to three hours, and then have a go at drinking the brewery cellars empty. Next morning, after breakfast, play three minor half-hour gigs, then a big two-hour event, then another all-night open air concert... and repeat until Monday evening. In all, from Friday to Monday, Coronation Brass manages to squeeze in more or less fifteen hours performance time.
No rehearsal, just sight reading.
And the crowds love it.

Quite a number of player manage to help out in other bands while Coronation Brass is officially resting...

Everything Barliman2001 said is absolutely true, although the part where he says “meeting for a drink or two” and “drinking the brewery cellars empty” are both exaggerations, specifically under-exaggerations. Specifically first the wine cellars are emptied, then following that at 10:00 AM the beer cellars are emptied for the first time, after additional afternoon performances the free Bitburg Brewery Beer Fountain opens, after the evening performances, the beer cellars empty again, and lastly some type of schnapps gets broken out that tastes like a cherry flavored “Shlivowitz” with double the punch.

Now in all fairness, Barliman2001 does not drink alcohol, so maybe that accounts for the under-exaggeration. For the most part, I don’t either and might normally average 1 beer per month. As a result of last summer’s festival in Bitburg, my liver is still recovering

I also want to thank Barliman2001 for his kind words about me being his “wingman”, playing second trumpet on the Vienna Klezmer Orchestra Tour and second cornet with the Coronation Brass Band. I learned a lot from him and can attest that he is a great player. I appreciate his “over exaggeration” of my abilities.

Photos top to bottom:
The infamous Bitburg Beer Fountain before official drainage
Barlman2001 showing his temporary British Citizenship and participating in Official Diplomatic Relations
Barliman2001 debating the Brexit thing
Barliman2001 and I at a Coronation Brass Band Performance
SSmith1226 taking on temporary British Citizenship
Barlimsn2001 and I at a Vienna Klezmer Orchestra Rehearsal pre tour

@administrator said in A little humour:

Well, as the song goes:

"I was gonna practice my horn, but then I got high!"

(Note: I am NOT recommending this!)

I saw this joke on line and thought it was appropriate:

A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know." A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!" The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative. Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!" The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?" "I'm a musician, I play the trumpet." The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat.

Taps Across America May 31, 2021, 3:00 PM, North Attleboro, MA

The following was posted on TH by a member of that site. I normally would not carry over a post from this site unless it was mine, but this is so
outstanding, I feel compelled to. This nearly 2 hr concert is amoung the best I have ever seen, and I believe will be appreciated by most of our members. It features James Morrison, John Faddis, Thomas Gansch, and G. Santana.
Below is the link. Enjoy!

https://www.ardmediathek.de/video/Y3JpZDovL2JyLmRlL3ZpZGVvLzA4NjI2M2Y2LWQ4OTctNGYyNi1iMjYxLWFhNzdiMjc2ZWNiMw?fbclid=IwAR18VzKx0cYvIFtEv6Ltl3Qie3EMAZ2lCP3TzJdJrCWILKTYTRN25-nEwX4

Wait until you get to your 70’s. It becomes a Travelogue of Mexican Beach Resort.

The following is not meant to start any political discussions. The analogy applies to government under all leadership as well as huge corporations etc which are too large to manage efficiently:
The king wanted to go fishing, and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours.

The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain.

So the king and the queen went fishing. On the way he met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were biting.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge rain storm."

The king replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him."

So the king continued on his way.

However, in a short time a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked.

Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the meteorologist.

Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious position of royal forecaster.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."

So the king hired the donkey.

And so began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential positions of government.

The following is a link to the story of how the Piccolo Trumpet Solo on Penny Lane came about. I had seen on documentaries, and read in articles, bits and pieces of the story in the past, but this is a nice summary.
As a bonus, I am including a video of the Coronation Brass Band, representing Wales and beyond, including Cornetists Barliman2001 and SSmith1226, as well as Soprano Cornet Soloist Karen Packer, all in the last row on the left. They are seen performing “Penny Lane” at the Europaisches Folklore Festival in Bitburg, Germany, which was held in July, 2018. It is good that there is a video, because the volume of “Bitburger Brewery” Beer, schnapps, and wine has clouded my memory of the festival.

https://www.classicfm.com/discover-music/instruments/trumpet/piccolo-solo-penny-lane-david-mason-paul-mccartney/

Riddle of the Day
Here's the situation:

You're on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.

On your right side is a sharp drop-off.

On your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.

Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo, and your horse is unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.

What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?

See answer below

Get off the merry-go-round and go home!

You've had enough excitement for one day.

@Dr-GO
Here is some work Tom did for me:

Here are a few that I read today:

My boss told me to have a good day.. so I went home.

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.

A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says "They're right behind you!"

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

Why do blind people hate skydiving? It scares the hell out of their dogs.

When you look really closely, all mirrors look like eyeballs.

My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange" I said: "No it doesn't"

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer: “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”
“I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. But, when he went to place them in his mailbox, all he found was a bill from the lawyer.