Best posts made by barliman2001

Just happened on this snippet... a truly all-star cast!

Two trumpet players, in a nicely lit-up state, talking about their fears...
Player 1: "I've got that constant fear of death."
Player 2: "Don't we all; what's so special about yours?"
Player 1: "That my wife, after I'm gone, will sell all the trumpets for the price I told her I paid..."

Quite a few people - even in the old TM days - have discussed how to store and present a trumpet collection. I always told them that my tame joiner made a special cabinet for me, holding up to forty trumpets... naturally, there were many shouts, "Pics! Pics!", and I never got round to doing that. But now, with the "quiet time of the year" coming up, I managed a snapshot.
Originally, that cabinet was more or less the only large bit of furniture in the room. But then, the piano had to move in there, my wife's desk followed, and after the sale of one or two trumpets, my wife decided that the other horns should stand closer together for warmth so that she could take over one of the compartments... sorry for the mess...
From top to bottom, keft to right:
B&H Sovereign trombone (in case)
Vintage trombone, from a Bavarian maker (in gig bag)
Weltklang Euph (in gig bag)

1952 Courtois Balanced
2019 ACB Doubler Bb/A picc (almost invisible)
1982 Conn International (Amati stencil) lacquered blue and with an enamelled drunken vulture on the bell
1969 Selmer G picc
1980 Courtois D
1940s Buescher Aristocrat 265
1980s Gaudet (Courtois) C
1950s Olds Recording

1960s Besson International cornets x 2
1990 Courtois 154 Flugelhorn
1970s Courtois Bb cornet
1992 Ganter Eb Soprano cornet
1950s Besson International Baritone

1930s bass trumpet, unplayable, in memory of a passed friend
1900s HP Bb cornet, engraved "Kinneil Memorial Cornet" presented to me by Kinneil Band at my leaving Scotland and remembering my being an Honourary Member and Honourary Conductor...
Besson Imperial Eb Sop cornet
Besson Imperial Bb cornet
Jupiter Soprano trombone
... and the thing that started the schemozzle... Imitation of a cavalry trumpet, in fact a bit of bent tubing with something remotely like a mouthpiece at one end and something like a bell at the other... won it it a charity raffle, and never looked back...

Odds and ends of my wife's, including her Grammy medal hanging from the handle...

Storage for gig bags underneath, and lots and lots of sheet music and bits and pieces in the middle...

@Username Contact Shaun Hooke, Principal Trumpet at the RTÉ Concert Orchestra in Dublin. He is readily accessible on Facebook and is a B&S Approved Artist. He is a super guy and can direct you to the right addresses in Eire. Tell him I sent you (will send you the full name as PN) and he might even excel himself. All the best.

For advice and tuition, Shaun can either take you on himself, or you can ask Charles Cavanagh at the Garda Band (also on FB). My name should work with him as well.

OK guys, last night was a premiere for my new glasses. First Big Band Rehearsal after Corona lockdown (www.bbmf.de). Drove there with my musicians' glasses on my nose - no problem. Went in, did not stumble on the staircase (rehearsal room on third floor, meaning 75 steps up). Set up my stuff after compulsory hand disinfection, and went on to play. No problem at all - could see everything - music sharp, band leader sharp, opposite wall sharp. After rehearsal, packed up and drove home, still with the same glasses. AMAZING.

@J-Jericho A wildly gesticulating conductor gets a viola players eye with the baton. Says the viola player: "If you do that once more, I'l never look at you again!°

FINALLY... after more or less seven years of searching, I found one. A 1954 Olds Recording, in superb state; Votruba of Vienna, being rotary specialists, did not even know the collectability of this horn and let it go for a mere 800 Euros... with 99% original lacquer, no red rot, clean, nicely popping valves... a large bore with a rose brass bell... it went onto their website on a Friday afternoon, and I cut short a holiday in Italy to be in their shop on Saturday morning... happy!
.
.
.
.
yes, will post pics!

Now, yesterday we had our only rehearsal for Easter Sunday. The conductor, when questioned beforehand, had firmly promised, "it's Schubert Mass #3 in Bb and Mozart Ave Verum (which has no trumpets), and nothing else." Accordingly, went there with just my Ganter Bb rotary and a deep cup mouthpiece, as I was supposed to play 2d chair. So far, so good. End of Schubert rehearsal, conductor hands out additional music with the comment, "you should be able to do this as well quite easily." One look... Handel, Messiah, Hallelujah... original pitch... scream, shout, throw grenades... call in the Cavalry (which refused to climb the 84 step staircase to the organ loft...)... tried to do Handel first trumpet part on Bb rotary with flugel mouthpiece... failed miserably, sounded like a goose with hiccups... got out the Selmer high-G at home... that's better...

I don't intend to go into discussions of which mute to use where. I'll just add a small hilarious anecdote... Once, while playing in a certain orchestra, the piece had the two trumpets using harmons... first with the stem in, then with the stem extended and finally with the stems out. Unfortunately, we had only one and a half bars to get the extended stems fully out, so we had to take the stems out while leaving the mute in... you can imagine what happened. At the strategic moment, not only the stems came out, but the mutes as well... and there was a well-synchronized "kerlunk" as two Harmons hit the stage floor almost simultaneously...

OK, I think this topic has now been discussed enough. Let's get on with our regular business - discussing trumpets, trumpet playing, being good friends and how to avoid trolls.

Topic locked.

And the illegitimate love-child of the Serpent was the Ophicleide...

@SSmith1226 That reminds me of the deathbed of Solomon Grinspan. He's in his bedroom, surrounded by all his family. Feebly, he calls the names: "Rachel, my wife, are you here?" - "Yes, dearest." - "Abraham, my son, are you here?" - "Yes, Father, I am here." - " Aaron, my son, are you here?" - "Yes, Father, I am here." - "Rebecca, my daughter, are you here?" - "Yes, Father, I am by your side." Then, suddenly, old Solomon lifts himself up and cries aloud, "And who's in the shop??"

OK - I'm back from Bitburg, and have come back to life sufficiently to tell you about how it was this time.
Friday, 4 am: Get up, quick clean, load up the rather tiny car with three brass players, four cases and five instruments. Eight hour drive to Bitburg. Short lunch. Get music, change into informal band gear and play a two-hour gig sight reading. six hours of revelry and drinking afterwards.
Saturday: Play a 15-minute gig at the Opening of the Festival (new repertoire - all sight-reading). Help out the local band on baritone horn for their 15-min gig. Have free lunch and drinks. Play two-hour open air gig (again, not a single repeated piece). Have dinner and more drinks. Play from 8 pm until lights out at 10 (again, not a single repeated piece. Soprano player is asked whether he ever did the Penny Lane solo. Replies, no, but will try. Nails the solo perfectly, says, "I was too drunk to miss anything". More drinks until 2 pm.
Sunday, 10 am, the beer fountain opens up. Free beer for everyone for half an hour. Asked to help out local band on baritone, play a 90-minute gig with them, again sight-reading. After gig, asked to continue helping out at 2 pm. I'm a helpfu guy, so, yes. Coffee and superb rhubarb cake at local bakery. At 5 pm, play 90-minute gig with Coronation Brass (repiano cornet). 30 minutes for a quick shower and dress up in dinner jacket for Flag Ceremony. Assistant Principal already too drunk to attend. After Flag Ceremony, race back to open air stage to play from 8-10 pm. Several pieces played before!! Sop player asked to do Penny Lane again.
Drinks and revelry until 3 am.
Monday, 10-12 assistance to the local band on baritone. 2-4 pm Coronation Brass open air concert. Sop player asked to do Penny Lane again. Another round of drinks. Assistant Principal spills full bottle of red wine on white shirt and dinner jacket. Solo Horn player throws up and has hurriedly to leave the stage. First trombone changes to Eb Alto bone and plays Alto horn solo from "Malaguena". Colour Party of US Marines comes along (Bitburg has a US garrison), Bb bass player borrows officer's sword to behead a champagne bottle. Bottle crashes into thousands of splinters, champagne spilled all over Colour Party, sword has a clear dent and won't return to sheath. Rush over to Town Hall to play a one-hour gala concert there. Penny Lane as encore. Rush back to open air stage to play from 8 pm until "light too bad". Town has installed new lighting so that one COULD play all night. No pre-set programme, but pieces asked for by band members and audience. Penny Lane requested by two thirds of the band. Play until 11.30 pm, then Penny Lane as encore. Sop player celebrated as a hero, has twenty free beers shoved at him. Does not succumb (he's a Russian!). Clear up stage, dress in civvies, CELEBRATE. Beer fountain specially opened up just for Coronation Brass. Celebrate until breakfast.
Tuesday: After a late breakfast, pack up things, bundle into cars and return home (wherever that may be). For me, a twelve-hour drive home (many rests in between...)
See you next year, Bitburg!!

This one is a bit lengthy, but good...

A professional tuba player goes to his doctor, complaining about constant headaches. After a series of tests, the doc puts on his "Its serious" face and explains: "See here, you are a tuba player. Most of your professional life you have been sitting down, in a cramped position, with your instrument between your legs. Thus, your, em, balls have been squeezed, and this has caused your headaches. Try sitting differently, and come back in a week."
The tuba player tries to sit differently in orchestra and gets horrible back pains added to the headaches. So he goes back to the doc and tells him about it. The doc puts on his "it's even more serious than I thought" face and says, "Ok, so your headaches have become chronic. There is no other way out of it - we will have to remove your balls entirely."
"No other way, doc?" -
"No other way, or you'll eventually go mad from your headaches." -
"Well, then..."
After the operation, the tuba player really has no headaches any more. It feels like a new life. And so he celebrates this new life by transforming himself. No mor grubby sweaters and jeans for him - he has to have a smart suit and all the trimmings. So he goes into the best men's fashion outlet in town and asks for a suit. The salesman tells him, "I've got just the thing for you," and returns with a light blue suit which fits perfectly. "How did you know light blue is my favourite colour?" - "Oh, I can estimate people's tastes pretty accurately, not only sizes... it fits, doesn't it?" - "Fits perfectly. I think I'l have a shirt to go with the suit as well." - "Certainly, sir. This one?" - "Wonderful, that dark blue shirt... and again, fits perfectly. Now for some new underwear as well." - "Of course. Here's the fitting vest for you. For the underpants I'll have to go back - I've only got size 5 here, and you need size 7." - "But I've always worn size 5..." - "Too small for you. You're a size 7. Otherwise, your balls will get squeezed, and you'll have constant headaches."

Speaking of salesmen...

A guy enters the local fashion outlet and asks the manager for a job. The manager does not really need another assistant, but does not want to refuse outright, so he says to the guy, "OK, there is this monstrosity of a suit in store - has been here a long time. Loud yellow checks, bell flare trousers, a frilled shirt... all the 1970s glories. Sell that by midday, and you're hired."
An hour later, the guy comes to the office with the copy of the cash receipt for that suit. "Oh, really?" says the manager. "What did the guy say about that suit?" - "Nothing, really. Only his guide dog barked a bit."

In this rather macabre vein, I quote James Young Simpson who during an operation suddenly turned to the anesthesist, saying, "Dear colleague, I don't know how the patient is doing at your end, but he seems to be dead at mine."

"Your cough sounds much better today." -
"No wonder, I've been practising day and night."

A famous psychiatrist unexpectedly passes away and is met at the pearly gates by an agitated St. Peter: "Doctor, sorry, we had to hasten your way here a bit - but we've got a very bad case of megalomania up here and need your help..." - "Megalomania? In Heaven?" - "Yes, Doctor... the Good Lord has started waving His arms about and is convinced he is a conductor...!"

A Mom goes into a toy shop to pick a doll for her daughter. Sees two identical looking Barbies, one at $ 15 and one at $ 299. She asks the salesperson, "Why?" - "well, Ma'am, the cheap one is "single Barbie" and the other is "divorced Barbie"." - "Ah-hem?" - ""Divorced Barbie" comes with Ken's house, Ken's automobile and Ken's boat."