A little humour

J. Jericho

An oldie, but it gives me a chance/excuse to comment:

Q. What is the shortest period of time ever measured?
A. The period of time between the traffic light changing to green and the driver behind you blowing their horn in New York City (a.k.a. a New York second).

My uncle (since deceased) never had this problem, as he would always launch before the light changed to green.

He lived in Brooklyn, not far at all from John Gotti's home. He and my aunt lived in a co-op, and he had to park his car on the street. Well, one day his car wouldn't start. He checked to see what was wrong, and the battery was gone. He replaced the battery, and the next time he went to his car, it was gone. Apparently the thieves didn't want starting problems, so they made sure my uncle's car had a new battery before they stole it.

grune

caveman math.

SSmith1226

@J-Jericho said in A little humour:

An oldie, but it gives me a chance/excuse to comment:

Q. What is the shortest period of time ever measured?
A. The period of time between the traffic light changing to green and the driver behind you blowing their horn in New York City (a.k.a. a New York second).

My uncle (since deceased) never had this problem, as he would always launch before the light changed to green.

He lived in Brooklyn, not far at all from John Gotti's home. He and my aunt lived in a co-op, and he had to park his car on the street. Well, one day his car wouldn't start. He checked to see what was wrong, and the battery was gone. He replaced the battery, and the next time he went to his car, it was gone. Apparently the thieves didn't want starting problems, so they made sure my uncle's car had a new battery before they stole it.

I lived in Manhattan between 1970 and 1974. I would park my car between E23rd Street and the East River. After I lost my first battery I put a cable hood lock on the car. On a couple of occasions I found the hood unlatched but the cable saved my battery from being stolen.
After my car radio disappeared I replaced it with a RadioShack radio that I installed myself under the dash with duct tape. The geniuses who tried to steal the radio cut all my wires to the radio rather then pull the connectors apart, as they were designed to do, but didn’t have the technical ability to figure out how to cut the many layers of duct tape that I used to secure the radio under the dash board. I never could understand how the original thieves were sophisticated enough to remove the factory installed radio but the follow up thieves couldn’t figure out how to cut the duct tape or uncouple the connectors. I guess they were amateurs.

J. Jericho

@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:

@J-Jericho said in A little humour:

An oldie, but it gives me a chance/excuse to comment:

Q. What is the shortest period of time ever measured?
A. The period of time between the traffic light changing to green and the driver behind you blowing their horn in New York City (a.k.a. a New York second).

My uncle (since deceased) never had this problem, as he would always launch before the light changed to green.

He lived in Brooklyn, not far at all from John Gotti's home. He and my aunt lived in a co-op, and he had to park his car on the street. Well, one day his car wouldn't start. He checked to see what was wrong, and the battery was gone. He replaced the battery, and the next time he went to his car, it was gone. Apparently the thieves didn't want starting problems, so they made sure my uncle's car had a new battery before they stole it.

I lived in Manhattan between 1970 and 1974. I would park my car between E23rd Street and the East River. After I lost my first battery I put a cable hood lock on the car. On a couple of occasions I found the hood unlatched but the cable saved my battery from being stolen.
After my car radio disappeared I replaced it with a RadioShack radio that I installed myself under the dash with duct tape. The geniuses who tried to steal the radio cut all my wires to the radio rather then pull the connectors apart, as they were designed to do, but didn’t have the technical ability to figure out how to cut the many layers of duct tape that I used to secure the radio under the dash board. I never could understand how the original thieves were sophisticated enough to remove the factory installed radio but the follow up thieves couldn’t figure out how to cut the duct tape or uncouple the connectors. I guess they were amateurs.

Maybe they had the shakes from withdrawal from whatever drugs they were addicted to and coudn't concentrate.

J. Jericho

Now that I think about it, cutting the wires gives the thief both parts of the connectors. That makes it easier to reinstall in another vehicle. That still doesn't explain the duct tape. Perhaps the thief didn't want to get caught with a knife.

SSmith1226

@J-Jericho said in A little humour:

Now that I think about it, cutting the wires gives the thief both parts of the connectors. That makes it easier to reinstall in another vehicle. That still doesn't explain the duct tape. Perhaps the thief didn't want to get caught with a knife.

Come to think of it, the attempted radio theft was shortly after I moved from NYC to New Orleans, probably around 1976. It occurred in the parking lot of Charity Hospital of New Orleans.
The thieves were less sophisticated than the Manhattan thieves and definitely left the connectors attached to the car wiring. Their motives and needs were probably the same as you pointed out for the Manhattan group. You’re right, they probably didn’t have a knife since they tried to twist or tear the radio off, stretching the tape. They probably only had a gun and didn’t want to damage the radio with it.
I know that sounds harsh and judgmental, but my five years spent in New Orleans was primarily taken up by providing trauma surgical care to the “Knife and Gun Club” that was very active at that time. Human life was not valued by this “Club”.
On the other hand, the location of this attempted theft was fortuitous. I do remember using Medical Adhesive Tape, which I borrowed from the hospital, to reenforce the installation, and insulate the wire where I twisted stripped wires back together.

J. Jericho

@SSmith1226 I went to Nawlins once, after my wife twisted my arm to do so. It was exactly as I had expected and anticipated. I won't be back. They do have fantastic barbecue, though.

SSmith1226

@Vulgano-Brother said in A little humour:

What's the definition of perfect pitch? When you throw a banjo in the bin and it lands on an accordion.

BigDub

Back in the 80s at work I overheard two women talking in the accounting office. The one sitting at her desk was quite amply built, to put it nicely, and one of her top buttons gave up trying to hold back the tide, so to speak. She said to the other woman, "June is busting out all over, I guess", to which the other one said, "what’s the other ones name?"

Not actually a joke. I was there. It did happen.

Dr GO

@BigDub said in A little humour:

"June is busting out all over, I guess", to which the other one said, "what’s the other ones name?"

I know, I know. Leave it to the Beaver, it's [June] Cleavage!

By the way, did you know "Leave it to Beaver" that was first TV show censored for sexually explicit content.

Yes, it was the episode when June approached Ward at breakfast and stated:
"You were a little hard on the Beaver last night!"

BigDub

@Dr-GO that was a big problem, then. I think she probably said it about every episode!

Newell Post

J. Jericho

moshe

@Vulgano-Brother said in A little humour:

OK. I give up. Explain it to me.

moshe

This post is deleted!

SSmith1226

This is one I’ve seen before. Hopefully not here, and if so, hopefully not posted by me.

An aphorism is a statement of truth or opinion expressed in a concise and witty manner. The term is often applied to philosophical, moral and literary principles.

I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
l find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
They say that money talks .. but all mine ever says is good-bye.
So you've put on a few pounds. You're not fat, you're just easier to see.
If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
I have always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"
I can't understand why women are OK that JC Penney has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
Denny's has a slogan, "If it's your birthday, the meal is on us." If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday, your life sucks!
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
I think it's neat how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!
The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T. Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie, were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

SSmith1226

As I sent the above post in, I was, and still am,
a passenger in a car on the Florida Turnpike around Miami. I looked up and directly in front of me was this truck. Notice that it says “& More”. Who in this world, in their right mind, would want more?

J. Jericho

Kehaulani

Goes along with my Johnson and Hiscox sax cases.

BigDub

@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:

As I sent the above post in, I was, and still am,
a passenger in a car on the Florida Turnpike around Miami. I looked up and directly in front of me was this truck. Notice that it says “& More”. Who in this world, in their right mind, would want more?

The same ones who would want beyond.
Oh. I just think the light went on.