A little humour

SSmith1226

A Greek and a Irishman were sitting in a Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures.

Over a double latte, the Greek mentions “We built the Pantheon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo.”

“Well, it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.”

“But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics.”

“Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces.”

Knowing that he’s about to deliver the coup de grace, the son of Athens points out with a note of finality: “Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!”

“True enough said the Irishman, but it was the Irish who got women involved.”

A wine merchant's regular taster died, so the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position.
The director of the winery wondered how to send him away.
He gave him a glass to drink. The drunk tried it and said:
"It's a Muscat , three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.”
"That's correct", said the boss. Another glass....
"It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results."
"Correct." A third glass was presented.
''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive”, calmly said the drunk.
The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something.
She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine.
The alcoholic tried it.
"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant - and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father."

barliman2001

@Niner said in A little humour:

A wine merchant's regular taster died, so the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position.
The director of the winery wondered how to send him away.
He gave him a glass to drink. The drunk tried it and said:
"It's a Muscat , three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.”
"That's correct", said the boss. Another glass....
"It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results."
"Correct." A third glass was presented.
''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive”, calmly said the drunk.
The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something.
She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine.
The alcoholic tried it.
"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant - and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father."

Please remember that there are minors amongst the members...

@barliman2001 said in A little humour:

Please remember that there are minors amongst the members...

You are offended by what? Explain it to me.

administrator

@Niner said in A little humour:

@barliman2001 said in A little humour:

Please remember that there are minors amongst the members...

You are offended by what? Explain it to me.

I don't think he's offended, just that maybe the joke was a little off color.

@administrator A large number of jokes in this string are as much or more off color than the one in question it seems to me. If it offends anyone as off color just delete it.

Dr GO

@barliman2001 said in A little humour:

@Niner said in A little humour:

Please remember that there are minors amongst the members...

Coal, iron or diamond?

Kehaulani

How does one delete someone else's post?

I'm not defending or criticizing anyone's post in particular, but even if one deletes a post within one's own reads, he doesn't delete them from general readership which, I think, is the point of keeping posts tasteful.

Regarding the last part of that sentence, if you don't know who makes borderline, tasteless posts then it's probably you, LOL.

@Kehaulani said in A little humour:

How does one delete someone else's post?

I'm not defending or criticizing anyone's post in particular, but even if one deletes a post within one's own reads, he doesn't delete them from general readership which, I think, is the point of keeping posts tasteful.

Regarding the last part of that sentence, if you don't know who makes borderline, tasteless posts then it's probably you, LOL.

I'd think if barliman2001 is a Global Moderator he could delete whatever he wants to delete posted by anybody. At my message boards moderators can delete posts they find objectionable from any forum they moderate. A very few "global moderators" can delete any post from any forum. I suspect that's how it works here.
The only problem with moderators here is that there are at least as many chiefs as there are indians.

barliman2001

@Niner said in A little humour:

@barliman2001 said in A little humour:

Please remember that there are minors amongst the members...

You are offended by what? Explain it to me.

I'm not offended; but I know some people might be at the idea of tasting urine and mentioning pregnancy... it's just a mild warning.

barliman2001

Ok, I think I should clear this up. I may have the authority and the means to delete posts; but I have no inclination to do so unless it is a) a severe case, b) I have heard both sides of a dispute and c) there is a repeat offender involved. Personally, I am broad-minded and have nothing against what used to be called an "after-dinner joke" - in fact, I have a largish stock of those at hand and have been known to use them. But I know that there are some people here who see that differently and to help in deciding which joke can be posted safely and which ones are hovering on the brink, I may sometimes post a remark like that. No offence taken on my side, and none meant.

barliman2001

A nun is travelling to another monastery in the official car. No one really looked after that thing, so at about half-way point, on a Saturday evening, the tank runs empty. The nun sees a farmhouse in the distance and walks there to ask for some fuel. The farmer readily agrees to help her out but warns her that the only container he can give her is an old large chamber pot... That does not bother the Sister. As she's back at her car and refilling the tank, another motorist stops, turns down his window and says to her, "I'm envying your faith, Sister..."

SSmith1226

Five surgeons from the big cities are discussing which kind of person makes the best patient to operate on.
The first surgeon, a woman from New York, says: “I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second, a man from Chicago, replies: “Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is colour coded.”
A third surgeon from Boston adds: “No way! I think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
The fourth, from Dalas, says: “I’ve always liked construction workers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over.”

The final surgeon, from Washington DC, dismisses all the others and tells a story of his own.
“You’re all wrong,” he says. “Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no balls, no brains and no spine. Also, the head and ass are interchangeable.”

barliman2001

@SSmith1226 As Mark Twain once said, "Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: They must be changed frequently, and for the same reason."

barliman2001

Two medical friends are discussing their careers.
"Why on earth did you become a dermatologist?" -
"Oh, that's an easy one. There are no night call-outs, and patients live reasonably long to pay many bills."

barliman2001

"How did your dispute with your wife pan out?" -
"Oh, brilliantly. I had her crawling on her knees before me." -
"What did she say?" -
"Come out from under the bed, you coward!"

barliman2001

That one might be on the brink for some people...

What's the result if you throw a hand grenade into the kitchen? -
The mess remains the same, only the nagging stops.

barliman2001

When God made Man, ...
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She was only practising...

This post is deleted!