A little humour

SSmith1226

Here is a musical joke, sort of-

The Organist

A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Susan, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.
Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled.

They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, & told her to mash up some green persimmons & rub them on her nipples and all over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size, but warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up & you won't be able to talk properly for a while.

The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning the minister walked up to the pulpit and said,

“Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday.

A Former User

HiSSmith1226,
What's the most musical part of the body?
The nose!
You pick it and blow it.

Dr GO

@Dr-Mark said in A little humour:

HiSSmith1226,
What's the most musical part of the body?
The nose!
You pick it and blow it.

Ah you have never heard me after eating Mexican food. I become very musical from a more Southern region.

BigDub

I know how to get exercise without leaving my chair, and let me tell you, I am worn out just telling you.
First I was told I was sawing wood for a while, then I jogged my memory, ran my mouth, jumped to conclusions, laid down the law and stood on my principles. Now I am exhausted. I will repeat this pattern often.

A Former User

@Dr-GO said in A little humour:

Ah you have never heard me after eating Mexican food. I become very musical from a more Southern region.

I smelt that coming a mile away.
Possible songs from your more Southern region? How about;
Kinda smells
Birth of the Phew
A Night in Toilet
So Whiff
7 Steps to the Bathroom
Musty
In the Mood
Pennsylvania brap, brap brapbrap
Scent-a mental Journey
Turdland

J. Jericho

Let's not forget that infamous musician, Le Pétomane, satirized in Blazing Saddles. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_Pétomane

SSmith1226

@J-Jericho said in A little humour:

Let's not forget that infamous musician, Le Pétomane, satirized in Blazing Saddles. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_P�%
ne

A true classic:
And, it’s all in the air support, compression, and long tones.

J. Jericho

@SSmith1226 A friend of mine in college used to laugh his ass off (pun intended) listening to this.

SSmith1226

@J-Jericho said in A little humour:

@SSmith1226 A friend of mine in college used to laugh his ass off (pun intended) listening to this.

I first heard this at age 10 -12 in the late 1950’s. My father had recorded it on a reel to reel tape. I would sneak into his office and listen to it along with some recordings of Bell Barth.
The original recording of the International Crepitation Contest has an interesting history For those interested, here it is:

“The Battle at Thunderblow: The Great Crepitation Contest of 1946” is a comedy record of mysterious origins that gives a play-by-play account of an international farting contest between Lord Windesmear and challenger Paul Boomer. The exact source of the record is unknown, but according to a post on Rand’s Esoteric OTR it was created by Canadian Broadcasting Corporation sports announcer Sydney S. Brown and producer Jules Lipton some time in the 1940s.

Although it appears to have been only produced as an internal joke and not commercially distributed, it managed to survive as a benchmark of high-end fart comedy for more than half a century.

BigDub

@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:

@J-Jericho said in A little humour:

@SSmith1226 A friend of mine in college used to laugh his ass off (pun intended) listening to this.

I first heard this at age 10 -12 in the late 1950’s. My father had recorded it on a reel to reel tape. I would sneak into his office and listen to it along with some recordings of Bell Barth.
The original recording of the International Crepitation Contest has an interesting history For those interested, here it is:

“The Battle at Thunderblow: The Great Crepitation Contest of 1946” is a comedy record of mysterious origins that gives a play-by-play account of an international farting contest between Lord Windesmear and challenger Paul Boomer. The exact source of the record is unknown, but according to a post on Rand’s Esoteric OTR it was created by Canadian Broadcasting Corporation sports announcer Sydney S. Brown and producer Jules Lipton some time in the 1940s.

Although it appears to have been only produced as an internal joke and not commercially distributed, it managed to survive as a benchmark of high-end fart comedy for more than half a century.

As a matter of fact I demonstrated my low brow humor by only laughing at the sound effects, which were many.

BigDub

Signs I have seen that make me say, “Huh?"

At the 99 cents store:
EVERYTHING IN THE STORE, 99c, OR MORE

TATTOOS AND PIERCINGS DONE ON PREMISES

( Barber Shop )
WALK INS WELCOME

OPEN 8 DAYS A WEEK, CLOSED SUNDAYS

That’s all I can think of right now. ( that was me talking, not s sign )

A Former User

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in a Long-Term Care Home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person - to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug..... Do you want a bed near the window?"

SSmith1226

Kehaulani

O.K. Hu's on First?

SSmith1226

@Kehaulani
Watt’s on second.

Tobylou8

A State Trooper pulled over a Man for Speeding one afternoon. After the car pulled over the officer took the Gentleman out of the car and told him to put his hands on the hood of his car.

The Trooper told the man, "Sir, the reason i stopped your vehicle is you were going 80 miles over the posted speed limit and it took me miles to catch up to you." The man looked at the Officer and said "I'm sorry Officer but theres a good reason why I was Speeding"

The Officer looked at the Man and said "if you can give me one good reason why you were Speeding, I will let you off with a warning."

The man began to explain.... "A few years ago my Wife ran off with a State Trooper and when I saw you in my rearview mirror I panicked. I thought You Were Bringing Her Back."

The officer LAUGHING told the man, "Have a Nice Day......"

A Former User

Hi Tobylou8,
Maybe you can answer this one!
What goes in hard, stiff and dry and comes out limp, soft and wet?
Chewing gum of course.

A Former User

Boudreaux, an 80-year-old South Louisiana Cajun, goes to the doctor for his
every year check-up.

The doctor is amazed at what good shape he is in and asks, "How do you stay
in such great physical condition, Boudreaux?"

“I stay in de swamp and I hunt and fish every day", said the old Cajun.
"Dat's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out
hunting or fishing all day. I have a beer for breakfast and at lunch and wid
my supper. And, I have a shot of hooch before bed time. And, I say my
prayers every night. And all is well wid me."

Well", says the doctor, "I'm sure the prayers help, but there's got to be
more to it. How old was your father when he died?"

"Who said Pop is dead?"

The doctor is amazed. "You mean you are 80 years old and your father is
still alive? How old he is?"

"Pop be 100 next month," replied Boudreaux. "In fact, he hunted with me dis
mornin', and den we went to a beer joint for a while and had a few beers and
dat's why he's still alive. He is a tough Cajun man and he hunts and fishes
everyday, too.”

"Well, the doctor says, that's great! But, I'm sure there's more to it than
that. How about your father's father? How old was he when he died?"

"Who said my Paw Paw's dead?"

Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you are 80 years old, your father is 100
and your grandfather is still living? Incredible! How old he is?"

"We tink 'bout 118." says the old Cajun. He likes his beer, too, but he
won't touch the hard stuff."

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So, I guess your
grandfather went hunting and fishing with you and your father this morning,
too?"

"No, Paw Paw couldn't go dis time. He's gettin' married today."

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. "Getting married! Why would
a 118-year-old man want to get married?"

Boudreaux looked down at the floor and mumbled "Who said he wanted to?"

Tobylou8

When Forest Gump died, he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "Welcome, Forest. We've heard a lot about you." He continued, "Unfortunately, it's getting pretty crowded up here and we find that we now have to give people an entrance examination before we let them in."

"Okay," said Forest. "I hope it's not too hard. I've already been through a test. My momma used to say, 'Life is like a final exam. It's hard.' "

"Yes, Forest, I know. But this test is only three questions. Here they are."

Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?"
How many seconds are in a year?
What is God's first name?

"Well, sir," said Forest, "The first one is easy. Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'? Today and Tomorrow."
St. Peter looked surprised and said, "Well, that wasn't the answer I was looking for, but you have a point. I give you credit for that answer."

"The next question," said Forest, "How many seconds are in a year? Twelve."
"Twelve?" said St. Peter, surprised and confused.
"Yes, sir. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd …"
St. Peter interrupted him. "I see what you mean. I'll have to give you credit for that one, too."

"And the last question," said Forest, "What is God's first name? It's Andy."

"Andy?" said St. Peter, in shock. "How did you come up with 'Andy'?"

"I learned it in church. We used to sing about it." Forest broke into song, "Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am His own."

St. Peter opened the gate to heaven and said, "Run, Forest, Run!"

A Former User

@Tobylou8
Now that's good!
Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me.
That's a keeper!
Thanks