Posts made by BigDub

@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:

It’s been quiet so here it goes:
An Englishman, Frenchman, Spaniard, and German were watching a street magician. The magician realized that they couldn’t see him well so he stepped up on a high box. The magician said, “Can you see me now?”
They answered,
Yes
Oui
Si
Ja

You see, now, that there is funny. However, you must be fluid in 4 languages like myself to get it.

I bet you said to yourself, "what a moron, fluid?
It's supposed to be, fluent!"
Well, you should have said so.

@Pinstriper said in Remember when butchers wore a blue and white striped apron?:

"There are no dumb ideas. But there certainly are dumb people who act on their ideas."

I could tell you a few hundred dumb ideas, but that would be a dumb idea, kinda.

@flugelgirl
This is one case where I would have preferred making it into a wall hanging.

Those late night TV commercials. I don’t know why but they strike me so funny. And by late night, I mean, like after 9:30.
The ones that show the exaggerated comparisons. Those.
And the FLEX SEAL guy. His are awesome.

When I would listen to Wynton's version of Carnival of Venice years ago, and hear how he would play that ending two octave F scale, I would say to myself, "that’s impossible".
I kept trying to match it. Little by little, I'd add a step.
Now I actually can do it. Not every single time, but more often than not. This was the thing about which I would say, "nobody can do that!"
Keep working at something and you may accomplish it.

@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:

@Dr-GO said in A little humour:

@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:

What`s the difference between a baroque trumpeter and a dressmaker?
A dressmaker tucks up frills.

However, maybe if the trumpet player wasn't baroque, the trills would be fixed up!

@Dr-GO said in A little humour:

Tell me if you heard this one:
A drummer walked past the bar...

I believe that looks like a Bach Suppositorious

@Dr-GO said in A little humour:

@BigDub said in A little humour:

People say to me, "A penny for your thoughts?".

But then they want change.

Hey. You can send me one of your paintings that are a product of your thoughts on canvas for a penny.
You can keep the change!

Sorry, didn’t see this one till just now. I wasn’t ignoring it. At first. Now I am.

Seen today in Horseshoe Bend, Idaho.
Pretty clever.

@Tobylou8 said in A little humour:

My husband and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD's.

We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since...

I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: 'Too many deers are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.

My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a government employee.....

When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a
service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
STAY ALERT!

I believe all of these I have lived through personally. Me on the smarter side of the equation........usually

@Dr-GO said in Music. What is It?:

@BigDub said in Music. What is It?:

Music is when a child says, "I hear music"
Innocence of a child that we can’t even figure out what it is any longer

Innocence, Hell. My granddaughter says "I hear music" when let a fart go! Music? Only if you consider the lower br*-ass a wind instrument!

*back region

Well, that little sprout is only bearing the fruit of that which was put into her impressionable little heart

@Kehaulani said in pet peeves:

I thought "lay" was a noun while 'lie" was a verb.

Nope.

Music is when a child says, "I hear music"
We, on the other hand are so removed from the simplistic
Innocence of a child that we can’t even figure out what it is any longer.
Try to forget everything the world tries to tell us and let music be what you want it to be. Let everyone else fight and bicker about it.

People say to me, "A penny for your thoughts?".

But then they want change.

@moshe said in pet peeves:

@mafields627 said in pet peeves:

People that say "on today" instead of just saying "today."

That's like everyone on TV who says "tuna-fish sandwich".

What other kind of animal would "tuna" be other than "fish".

No other kind of fish is called "xxxx-fish".

New Yorkers who say "standing on line" instead of "standing in line".

People on TV who keep saying "I was laying down" when they mean "I was lying down".

People on TV who say "I'll drive further" when they mean "I'll drive farther."

People on TV who say "mis-CHEE-vee-us" when ther is no extra "i" in the word to
justify that pronunciation.

People on TV who say "conversate" instead of "converse".

Wow.
Only 9,980 pet peeves to go...

moshe

I get what you mean about Tuna, but there are other "fish" you may not have thought of.........Swordfish, sailfish, codfish, cuddlefish, jellyfish, goldfish, redfish, bluefish. Like when people say, Pizza Pie. Certainly. It’s not pizza cake, and Pizza means pie in Italian.
Also, I always hear people say, "Chinese Take-out" as if it’s one word. Maybe it’s just that on the east coast, people sometimes have Chinese food named eat it in the restaurant.
People say, Real-i-tor, rather than Real-tor.
That’s enough for now....

A man decides it’s about time he gives in and moves into a retirement home. He notices a woman staring at him as he gets settled in his room. Later, eating his meal he notices her again, just staring at him. She’s not even eating. Just sitting there. Everywhere he turns, there she is, staring. He finally can’t let this go any longer and decides to confront her.
"Excuse me, ma'am, but I couldn’t help but notice that you keep looking at me everywhere I seem to go"
"Oh, I'm so sorry, she said, I couldn’t help but notice you look so much like my third husband"
Now he felt a little bad for calling her on it like that, so he said, "How many husbands did you have?"
"Two"

@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:

@BigDub
I didn’t mean to post this as a competition. To be honest with you, I never gave what I posted any thought until I saw the posts above mine and started doing the math. I then realized how ludicrous the pay was even at those times. Prior to my arrival to New Orleans I was a student for 21 years and considered those years in New Orleans as additional school experience. If asked of me, I would have some how paid for the experience. To actually be paid, although minimal, was great. Those were some of the best years of my life.

No worries, Steve. Believe me I was not the least offended. I really believe you did work cheap. Over the years, I have worked cheap, and never really made a lot of money at any time. But overall, I never wanted for more, never went hungry, and never felt deprived in any way. I passed on a promotion at one point, but it didn’t even come close to hearing my son tell me when he was a senior in HS that he didn’t think he could count on one hand how many games I ever missed seeing him play from t-ball all the way through high school. Bottom line, I am blessed beyond anything I could have asked for.

You win Steve. I wasn’t even really competing. That fifty cents I referred to was a fortune, to us. For doing absolutely nothing, except being a child, and not bragging here, his favorite for some reason. I think I took after him the most, so Aunt Olga and Uncle Mangnus doted on me quite obviously, now that I think about it.