Posts made by BigDub

@Newell-Post said in A little humour:

@BigDub I swear on a stack of bibles that I am good personal friends with the professor of forensic pathology who said the last one.

One Bible is sufficient

I saved these for quite a while. They are worth revisiting. Supposedly from actual court proceedings. You be the judge, pardon the pun.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

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ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

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ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.

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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid

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ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...

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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

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And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Completed another one you might like.....this one also of the Lambertville New Hope Bridge over the Delaware River connecting NJ to PA.

@Dr-GO said in A little humour:

@grune said in A little humour:

uh, grammatically...

Accordion to who whom ?

But I was talking to grammpa.
Thank you

@Dr-GO said in A little humour:

@BigDub said in A little humour:

Accordion to who?

Now this would hold up in court. Enough said

“I never forget a face, but in your case I'm willing to make an exception!"

Groucho Marx

@Dr-GO said in Artist on BOARD:

Wayne, maybe GeorgeB will take the bait and be another one of you happy customers... I know I am!

I am very happy you are, too! Your support is well appreciated, Doc. It must be hard to forget about me around your house......

@GeorgeB said in Artist on BOARD:

@BigDub

Oh, yeah, Wayne, that is fantastic. I have experienced moments like that when on overnight trout fishing trips. It really comes alive for me.

Thank you, George. I'm glad you relate to it!

It might be about time I show a new one, maybe?
I have been bouncing this one around in my head for some time but when it came down to it I got right at it.

When you get to the fork in the road, take it.

Yogi Berra

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Also, Yogi

It ain’t over till it's over.

It’s like deja vu all over again.

Thank you for making this day necessary.

You don’t look so hot yourself.. ( told to John Lindsey’s wife at an awards ceremony for the Yankees at city hall )
He said that to her when she remarked how cool he appeared in spite of how hot it was that afternoon.

All by Yogi

“They couldn’t hit an elephant from here”

General John Sedgewick, Union. Last words at the battle of Spotsylvania. Civil war.

Auto racing began five minutes after the second car rolled off the assembly line.
Henry Ford

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.

Mark Twain

Well, here’s something you will either like or not.
I think it's true. Like Moby Dick.
I heard this story while visiting Boise, Idaho more than twenty years ago. Here’s what I heard: an inmate was released from the Idaho State penitentiary there in Boise Idaho. Arthur ( Something ) was his name, and he had done quite a number of years in the slammer. Having no employable skills, he tried to get some work, but when he struck out so many times he finally took a job to rub someone out. With no experience, all he could negotiate was one dollar for the job. He was informed that the victim did their grocery shopping on Tuesdays at the M&W market on Broadway. He made his plan to wait in the parking lot of the market. He would simply use his bare hands, since he had no funds to get a real weapon. The victim came to her car with a cart full of groceries, and Art made his move and put his hands on her throat and strangled the victim. He knew he would get his payday now. Just then another concerned citizen jumped in to try to rescue the woman but alas, he strangled him as well. Arthur was immediately apprehended by police who quickly arrived to the location.

The next day the headline on the crime section of the Idaho Statesman said: ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT M&W MARKET!

@Dr-GO said in A little humour:

@BigDub said in A little humour:

What did you mean by "sky"?

Ahhhhhhhh my personal editor is back!
Hahaha

@Dr-GO said in A little humour:

grune, sadly this is true. When I was a graduate student at Colorado State, I would sky often at Copper Mountain where there would be large groups of "tourists" coming up to sky our Rockies. I rode a lift with a College student from Texas hitting the slopes for the first time, and I was reassuring him how great the snow was in Colorado. He said, Oh, sure, not surprising since Colorado was right on the border to Canada.

What did you mean by "sky"?

@Dr-GO said in A little humour:

@BigDub said in A little humour:

@Dr-GO

You mean, North Dakota?

I do... butt you gotta admit, this is a more southern exposure

Uh.......last I checked, Canada looks to be North and continues in that persuasion.
I actually have some friends in Canada. All work for Universities. Sasquatch is not involved in any of this.

@Dr-GO

You mean, North Dakota?

@Curlydoc said in Phony players:

@BigDub Wasn’t Klink’s brother a famous conductor?

I think I remember that being the storyline.
The way he played Klink was brilliant, in my opinion. I understand that was the only way he agreed to do the part.