Posts made by barliman2001

@henrylr That was a joke... "first position" is a trombone slide position, the shortest you can extend a trom slide. Usually about one inch. If you extend a trumpet slide any further, it will fall out.

In Scotland...
Jock has finally killed his nagging wife and buried her in the back garden. Secretly, he shows the grave to his best friend Wullie. "But ye left the bum stickin' oot!" - "Och aye, I needed somewhere tae park ma bike."

@stumac Och aye, I ken the pipes weell... ma best friend's bass drum in a true Scottish pipe band... and I ken Uilleann pipes as weel... but tha's jist an abomination!

That must be the most horrible thing on YouTube...

@bobmiller1969
Ok. There's one more, especially for your Mum:
The little boy just does not want to go to sleep. The parents have already tried everything. Finally, the father says, "Ok, I'll get my viola and play something." - "Oh no," says Mum. "Don't resort to violence!"

@bobmiller1969 As to viola... how do you prevent a valuable violin from being stolen? -
Put it in a viola case.

What did the penniless viola player do at the end of the month? -
Went into a bank, took the viola out and said, "All the money, or I'll play!"

... and many, many returns...

This:

@bigdub Probaöy the Austrian's Norwegian cousin!

@bigdub I don't remember whether I already posted this story.. so if I have, please be lenient with a forgetful old geezer of a trumpet player...

An Austrian workman is working on a construction site far away from his home, so that he has to stay there for the week. One Wednesday, they tell him "the building licence has expired, so we will have to stop until it is renewed. Go home and wait for the call." Accordingly, he goes home. To his surprise, he finds his wife butt-naked in the corridor. ""Why are you naked?" he asks. "You know that I always tell you I don't have anything to wear!" his wife replies. Being a man of few words, he strides to the bedroom wardrobe and opens it: "Nothing to wear, my a$$! A red dress, a blue dress, a white dress, hi George, and another blue dress..."

@curlydoc said in Military bands:

What is required to qualify for one of the US military bands? My grandson has bachelor and master’s performance degrees in percussion from Rice University.

I suspect that the general fitness tests of the Army will apply.

Title says everything. Details here. One place already taken - by me.
www.meisterklassen-gutenstein.com/trumpet-2023

I hate breaking-in instruments. That's why I have said goodbye to even thinking about new instruments, and have concentrated on vintage hooters - which, to me at least, have more character anyway. They seem to have accumulated the wisdom and musical spirit of all the players before me.
For me, it's simply a joy to think about how long a pedigree a vintage instrument must have.
And - what's more - I've found that I much prefer the Balanced style of trumpet. Somehow, I feel more at home with them, and they seem to like me... so I now have only one "normal" trumpet left (amongst the Bbs, that is), my 1920s Buescher Aristocrat (oh, and one Conn-Amati thing that is remarkable only for the blue lacquer and the drunk vulture enamelled on the bell). Apart from that, there is two Courtois Balanced models (originally the same model; but one came to me in decrepit old age, and the geriatric department at Votruba's were afraid to restore it as it might dissolve into dust at anything beyond a gentle rub-over with a soft cloth. They recommended I should not even polish the silver plating, as the plating more or less kept the horn together... still a wonderful player, so when a friend mentioned he had a spare one - actually, his wife set him a limit in the number of horns he is allowed to have, so when he wants another one, one has to go, and he desperately wanted an Inderbinen - I secured that before it went elsewhere), and my Olds Recording.

@barliman2001 Or this...

@j-jericho Nothing can beat this.

Vienna is well-known for being a beautiful but somewhat morbid city. There is even a book titled "Death must be from Vienna". So it is quite understandable that Vienna Civic Undertakers have a tradition of morbid slogans... only this year, they brought out a black plastic ice-scraper with the slogan "Mit uns kratzen Sie besser ab". That might be transported into English as selling a black bucket, with the slogan, "Kick it better with us"...
Vienna Central Cemetery are having an Open Day every year where you can test a coffin, and even have a simulated funeral while inside... experiencing being carried to the graveside, lowered down and then hearing the earth thundering on the coffin lid...

@ssmith1226 I would recommend reading Isaac Asimov's Robot novels, and especially his formulating the "Three Laws of Robotics" and their practical application.

@bigdub It was John XXIII. A source of a great many anecdotes, some of which he himself set into the world. Such as, "What is the difference between Martin Luther and Pope John XXIII? - Luther said, "Here I am, I can't do anything different, so help me God." And Pope John XXIII said, "Here I am, I can do even much more, and may God help you."

When asked whether the good Lord was unaware of something, John XXIII replied: "The Lord does not know three things. 1 - how much money the Franciscans have, 2 - what a Jesuit is really thinking, 3 - how many nun's orders there are."

I can produce a very good mashup, but the musical qualities of potatoes with crispy fried onions, gravy and a sprinkle of nutmeg escape me...

Just found this on the "Bored Bandsmen" FB page...

The orchestra was having a great rehearsal. The oboe player was keeping the double reed nice and moist between the lips when possible, but all of a sudden sucked a bit too hard and swallowed the reed which became stuck in the windpipe. The conductor spotted this straight away and dialled 999. Explaining that the oboe player had a double reed stuck in the windpipe the conductor asked what could be the best thing to do. The call handler without delay said "try a muted trumpet"....

Chad, after telling his wife he's bought another trumpet...