A little humour

Dr GO

@Newell-Post said in A little humour:

Honestly... PhD Chemists make the BEST chefs!

Vulgano Brother

@Dr-GO Hmmm. Perhaps a movie about a PhD Chemist who plays trumpet. Could be called Breaking Band.

Dr GO

@Vulgano-Brother said in A little humour:

@Dr-GO Hmmm. Perhaps a movie about a PhD Chemist who plays trumpet. Could be called Breaking Band.

Or a PhD Chemist who plays trumpet and works as a chef in a Mexican Restaurant.... "Breaking Wind"!

Tobylou8

@Dr-GO said in A little humour:

@Vulgano-Brother said in A little humour:

@Dr-GO Hmmm. Perhaps a movie about a PhD Chemist who plays trumpet. Could be called Breaking Band.

Or a PhD Chemist who plays trumpet and works as a chef in a Mexican Restaurant.... "Breaking Wind"!

That's a crappy idea!

Vulgano Brother

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, 'Come on in.'

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.

A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?'

'Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.

'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you.. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.

Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for my self.'

Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'

'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'

'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.

'I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete with servants,' she said.

'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'

'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?'

'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.'

The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'

You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for you!'

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other.

The genie was insatiable.

After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?'

'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.

'No Kidding,' he said.

'Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?'

A Former User

Snowflakes and snow flakes.

J. Jericho

Kehaulani

@Niner

And the point of this is?

A Former User

@Kehaulani "If we weren't all crazy we would all go insane"....

Kehaulani

Yessir, Jimmy Buffet. I used to live on the Mississippi coast at the right time and some of his songs had a real resonance. Changes in Latitudes, Cheeseburger in Paradise, and Margaritaville. I've been to Key West. Special place.

A Former User

@Kehaulani I graduated in the same class in high school with Jimmy. Not like we were close friends. I hardly knew him. I never would have guessed he would have been as big a success. He wouldn't know me from Adam's house cat now...and have no reason to. I got all ...maybe most.... of his records because I like them. Eat at his sisters restaurant down at Gulf Shores now and again.

SSmith1226

An older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said: “I don’t think you understand, I want something very special.”
So the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000,” the jeweller said.
The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said: “We’ll take it.”
The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by cheque. “I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,” he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweller phoned the old man and said: “There’s no money in that account.”
“I know,” said the old man. “But can you imagine the weekend I had?”

Tobylou8

A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a coma. 6 months later she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy an a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you!

Woman: Oh no, not my brother, he's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Well, that isn't so bad. What did he name the boy?

Doctor: Denephew!

barliman2001

@Tobylou8 said in A little humour:

A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a coma. 6 months later she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy an a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you!

Woman: Oh no, not my brother, he's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Well, that isn't so bad. What did he name the boy?

Doctor: Denephew!

Imagine it would have been quintuplets.. one Denise and four Denemanies...

Vulgano Brother

Two flies are sitting on a dogpile. One of the flies farts and the other one says,"Knock it off, man, can't you see I'm trying to eat!"

Dr GO

What do you name a woman with one leg shorter than the other?

EILEEN

Dr GO

What do you name an oriental woman with one leg shorter than the other?

IREAN

Kehaulani

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ileanover.
Ileanover, who?
Ileanover, you kiss my arse.

Newell Post

I used to work with a woman named Ilene Bendover.

Kehaulani

Good German name.