A little humour
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A "meat-processing plant" that's a good one. Plant-based diet!
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A trumpet player is sitting outside a bar, weeping bitterly... a friend of his passes by and asks him, "What's the matter? Did they throw you out?" - "Oh no..." - "Then why are you weeping? Are you out of cash, shall I lend you some?" - "Oh no, I'm rollin' in cash..." - "Then tell me why you are sitting here, weeping!" - "It's too horrible - I'm not thirsty."
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@dr-go It's only humorous on the face of it, I know... I've known too many people with that kind of attitude myself.
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I was in a cafe and saw two of my local shop owners had met for a coffee, and overheard one saying to the other, 'I was sorry to hear about the fire at your place last week.'
The other said, 'Ssh - not so loud. That's next week.' -
I don't want all that negativity to come inside my home. I reassured my wife that for example, she should embrace her mistakes. That's when she gave me a big hug.
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In a small village, the man responsible for cleaning out all the cesspools overturned his cart and was busy shovelling the stuff back when the local parson came along and asked, "Have you had an accident, my good man?" - "No." replied the shoveller. "I'm only stocktaking."
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Sousaphone intonation is pretty funny too...
