A little humour

BigDub

grune, sadly this is true. When I was a graduate student at Colorado State, I would sky often at Copper Mountain where there would be large groups of "tourists" coming up to sky our Rockies. I rode a lift with a College student from Texas hitting the slopes for the first time, and I was reassuring him how great the snow was in Colorado. He said, Oh, sure, not surprising since Colorado was right on the border to Canada.

What did you mean by "sky"?

Dr GO

@BigDub said in A little humour:

What did you mean by "sky"?

Ahhhhhhhh my personal editor is back!

BigDub

@Dr-GO said in A little humour:

@BigDub said in A little humour:

What did you mean by "sky"?

Ahhhhhhhh my personal editor is back!
Hahaha

Kehaulani

No comment. Future voters, people.

grune

@Dr-GO On first read, I, too, wondered what the 'sky' meant. A dialect perhaps? But then, being raised with snow, I realised sky meant 'ski'. I forget what term the psych majors use to describe the phenomenon when people see something out of context but place it in proper context, or vice versa.

Dr GO

@grune said in A little humour:

@Dr-GO On first read, I, too, wondered what the 'sky' meant. A dialect perhaps? But then, being raised with snow, I realised sky meant 'ski'. I forget what term the psych majors use to describe the phenomenon when people see something out of context but place it in proper context, or vice versa.

For me it's called a typo and bad eye sight. To BigDub it's a career opportunity as personal editor.

BigDub

Well, here’s something you will either like or not.
I think it's true. Like Moby Dick.
I heard this story while visiting Boise, Idaho more than twenty years ago. Here’s what I heard: an inmate was released from the Idaho State penitentiary there in Boise Idaho. Arthur ( Something ) was his name, and he had done quite a number of years in the slammer. Having no employable skills, he tried to get some work, but when he struck out so many times he finally took a job to rub someone out. With no experience, all he could negotiate was one dollar for the job. He was informed that the victim did their grocery shopping on Tuesdays at the M&W market on Broadway. He made his plan to wait in the parking lot of the market. He would simply use his bare hands, since he had no funds to get a real weapon. The victim came to her car with a cart full of groceries, and Art made his move and put his hands on her throat and strangled the victim. He knew he would get his payday now. Just then another concerned citizen jumped in to try to rescue the woman but alas, he strangled him as well. Arthur was immediately apprehended by police who quickly arrived to the location.

The next day the headline on the crime section of the Idaho Statesman said: ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT M&W MARKET!

IrishTrumpeter

Two drums and and a cymbal fall off a cliff...

Ba-Dum Tish

neal085

Swankiest nightclub in town is hopping one night when an Escalade pulls up front. A guy hops out with an entourage of smoking hot ladies and makes a grand entrance, tipping $100 bills to all the staff, buying drinks for everyone, but the most amazing thing about the guy is that his head is just a huge orange.

He soon becomes a regular, and the story is always the same; lavish spending, a litany of pricey vehicles, and he always has half a dozen beautiful women in tow. Yet the most amazing thing about him remains the fact that his head is just a giant orange.

One night the head bartender manages to get close to him, and pries the story from him.

"Well, one day I was walking down the beach and came across a lamp. It looked like it had some lettering on the side, so I tried to rub the sand off, and when I did, a genie popped out and granted me 3 wishes."

"Yes," says the breathless bartender, "and what happened?"

"For my first wish, I told the genie I wanted unlimited money. I've never wanted for cash since then."

"Wow," says the bartender, so then what happened?"

"Well, then I told the genie I wanted all the most beautiful women to be attracted to me. He granted that as my second wish."

"But what happened then," asked the bartender, now hanging on every word with bated breath.

"Well, that's were things went wrong, because I asked him to make my head a giant orange."

barliman2001

I'm just now enjoying the pleasure of being assistant deputy helper at the Gutenstein Master Classes (www.meisterklassen-gutenstein.com - my wife is Vice President of the show), and that entails a lot of ferrying people around: from Vienna to Gutenstein Village and back, fro and to the airport, shuttling people from their accommodation in the village to the rehearsal rooms and to the concert hall and so forth. Every master class lasts a week.
Today, I had the fun of ferrying three viola players back to Vienna. You should think that for informal master classes, you would have a small case, perhaps a suit hanger for concert dress and the instrument case. Not this lot. Every single one came with a big case, a small case, a backpack, two bags of groceries (for f...'s sake, it's an all-inclusive thing, with all meals included), the viola case (one even had two violas!)...handbags... little paper bags of souvenirs... I could not resist asking why they had that much luggage. I got a classic viola answer:
"Well, it might perhaps be snowing by the end of the week."
In Austria in July!!!

barliman2001

"Nurse, did you take blood from the guy in 243?" -
"Yes, Doctor, but I only got about ten pints. He's sleeping peacefully now."

Dr GO

Far Side is Back:

J. Jericho

J. Jericho

barliman2001

President Trump and the Archbishop of Canterbury are playing golf together. Rather frequently, the POTUS misses his putt and every time, he explains, "Darn! I missed!". The Archbishop reminds him of the commandment not to swear, telling him Heaven will record his actions and deal out fitting punishment. At the next hole, the POTUS misses a 2-inch putt: "Darn! I missed!" A dark cloud is gathering in the sky, and out of that cloud, a bolt of lightning hits the Archbishop, killing him instantly, Then, a voice is heard from the cloud: "Darn! I missed!"

Dale Proctor

What did the duck say when he was told he needed to buy a mask before he could enter the building?

“Just put it on my bill”...

Dr GO

Got a call from the coroner that a family was out shopping and came home to find there mother dead in the chicken coop with chickens running all over her body. Coroner said it sounded like natural causes and I replied, not so sure of that as to me it sounded like fowl play.

BigDub

Dr GO

@BigDub said in A little humour:

Accordion to who?

BigDub

@Dr-GO said in A little humour:

@BigDub said in A little humour:

Accordion to who?

Now this would hold up in court. Enough said