A little humour

Hi Dr-GO,
A pecker of a patient would be a patient who is compelled to peck. Would that be a common symptom of an aviary flu and would purchasing a Harrelson be a possible cure?

SSmith1226

@SSmith1226
Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Annie.
Annie Who?
Annie Thing You Can Do I Can Do Better

SSmith1226

@Dr-Mark said in A little humour:

@SSmith1226
Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Annie.
Annie Who?
Annie Thing You Can Do I Can Do Better

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Annie more of these?

@SSmith1226
Knock, Knock
Who's There?
I Eat Mop
I Eat Mop Who?
That's Disgusting!

SSmith1226

@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:

@Dr-Mark said in A little humour:

@SSmith1226
Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Annie.
Annie Who?
Annie Thing You Can Do I Can Do Better

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Annie more of these?

Little orphan Annie grew up in the Great Depression. She was so poor that she had to sell her pupils for money to live on.

SSmith1226

@Dr-Mark said in A little humour:

@SSmith1226
Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Annie.
Annie Who?
Annie Thing You Can Do I Can Do Better

Now, that is condescending!

BigDub

I try not to be condescending. That’s when you assume the person to whom you’re speaking needs help understanding the very intelligent things you are saying.

Now, I heard that Julie Andrews will no longer endorse cheap lipstick. It crumbles easily and makes her breath smell. She explained, "The super colour fragile lipstick gives me halitosis."

That means...........well, if you don’t get it........never mind.....

SSmith1226

@BigDub said in A little humour:

I try not to be condescending. That’s when you assume the person to whom you’re speaking needs help understanding the very intelligent things you are saying.

Now, I heard that Julie Andrews will no longer endorse cheap lipstick. It crumbles easily and makes her breath smell. She explained, "The super colour fragile lipstick gives me halitosis."

That means...........well, if you don’t get it........never mind.....

Someone said to me I was being too patronising, so I said 'I'm not being patronising, I'm being condescending. In case you are having trouble figuring this out:

I hope this helps.

Kujo20

@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:

@Dr-Mark said in A little humour:

@SSmith1226
Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Annie.
Annie Who?
Annie Thing You Can Do I Can Do Better

Now, that is condescending!

Not to be confused with dropping a 12A cornet down a flight of stairs.

barliman2001

As regards "Knock knock..."
An old lady had a parrot and a TV. One day, the TV broke down, so the old lady called an engineer to repair the TV. However, shortly before the engineer came, the old lady had forgotten the appointment and went out shopping, leaving the parrot in charge.
A very few minutes later, the TV engineer rang the bell. From inside, he heard a voice calling, "Who's there?"
He replied, "The TV engineer."
Again, a voice from within, "Who's there?"
Slightly exasperated, the caller replied, "The TV engineer..." -
"Who's there?" - "THE TV ENGINEER!!" - "Who's there?" - Yelling at the top of his voice, "THE TV ENGINEER!!" - "Who's there?" (engineer has a heart attack and faints in front of the door)
A few minutes later, the old lady returns, sees the unconscious man in her front garden and exclaims, "Who's that?" - "The TV engineer, the TV engineer..."

Speaking of old ladies.

Newell Post

Q: What's the difference between Richard Pryor and Michael Jackson?

A: One got burned by coke and the other got burned by Pepsi.

Some things to think about when drinking :

Why doesn't a chicken egg taste like chicken?

Why is it that cargo is transported by ship while a shipment is transported by car?

Does peanut butter really have butter in it?

Do mimes watch silent movies?

Is the fear of flying groundless?

What would you use to dilute water?

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Can I get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling, "Movie! Movie!" ?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?

Did Adam and Eve have navels?

Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip

BigDub

@Niner said in A little humour:

Some things to think about when drinking :

Why doesn't a chicken egg taste like chicken?

Why is it that cargo is transported by ship while a shipment is transported by car?

Does peanut butter really have butter in it?

Do mimes watch silent movies?

Is the fear of flying groundless?

What would you use to dilute water?

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Can I get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling, "Movie! Movie!" ?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?

Did Adam and Eve have navels?

Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip

I am not drinker, but I think about these sort of things all the time. You're not surprised. I know.

BigDub

I asked my friend what’s the difference between a loaf of bread and an elephant. He said, haha, I don’t know.
I said, remind me not to send you to the grocery store for anything.

Hi BigDub,
How are men like diapers?
There usually full of s*#t
but thankfully they're disposable.

SSmith1226

@Dr-Mark
In a similar vein but not necessarily my opinion unless we are discussing my sister:

What do you call a woman without an A..hole?
“Divorced”.

barliman2001

@SSmith1226 In the same spirit: How do you describe a marriage? A marriage consist of two people. One is always right, and the other is the husband.

BigDub

One Christmas I gave my wife a washing machine.
She specifically asked for it.
In spite of the request, which I believed could be easily forgotten when we were together with people socially, and I feared being the butt of jokes ( not that I wasn’t accustomed )
This is what I did: I handed her an envelope that had a printed out waiver form for her to sign, promising she would not make me the butt of jokes when tempted to do so at family and social gatherings.