A little humour

I repeated a joke that drew a lot of likes on the on the old board and apparently it was deleted. I guess it must have been judged too much for this board.

administrator

@Niner said in A little humour:

I repeated a joke that drew a lot of likes on the on the old board and apparently it was deleted. I guess it must have been judged too much for this board.

Sorry, somebody flagged it.

Oh well... I won't be offending anyone any longer.

J. Jericho

barliman2001

@Niner said in A little humour:

I repeated a joke that drew a lot of likes on the on the old board and apparently it was deleted. I guess it must have been judged too much for this board.

If I remember correctly, it was deemed dubious at least on TM. Repeating it just drew additional fire.

SSmith1226

barliman2001

An English Bulldog is visiting his friend, a dachshund. The latter is at an upstairs window.
The Bulldog says, "Why don't you come down and have some fun at the doggie park?" -
"I'm locked in." -
"Och, just jump down." -
"Oh really? so that I look like you??"

SSmith1226

A man was walking down the beach when he noticed a cave. He walked in and looked around only to discover a magic lamp buried in the sand.

He rubbed it and a genie came out and said: ” You may have three wishes but you must know that whatever you wish for, your boss will get double.”
The man agreed and said: “I want a million dollars.”
Bang! He got it and immediately his boss received two million.
Next he said: “I want a Ferrari.”

And so just like that, he got one and his boss got two. Next, being his last wish, he took a minute and thought about it carefully.
Finally he said: “Well I’ve always wanted to give a kidney.”

SSmith1226

An old one but good:

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like they do every day. Abe turns to Sol and says: “Do you think there’s baseball in heaven?”
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies: “I don’t know. But let’s make a deal – if I die first, I’ll come back and tell you if there’s baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same.”
They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on.
One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper: “Sol… Sol…”

Sol responds: “Abe! Is that you?”
“Yes it is, Sol,” whispers Abe’s ghost.
Sol, still amazed, asks: “So, is there baseball in heaven?”
“Well,” says Abe, “I’ve got good news and bad news.”

“Give me the good news first,” says Sol.
Abe says: “Well, there is baseball in heaven.”
Sol says: “That’s great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?”
Abe replies: “You’re pitching on Friday.”

barliman2001

A man wakes up from a long coma. His wife takes off her widow's weeds and remarks, "There's no relying on men."

barliman2001

A guy is lying in a hospital ward. In comes a man in a white coat and starts fiddling about with a measuring tape. "Wh-why a-are you m-m-measuring me, Doctor?" the patient asks, faintly. - "Doctor? I'm not the doctor, I'm the joiner..."

barliman2001

A guy is travelling in a taxi and wants the driver to stop at a KFCs. So he taps the driver on the shoulder. The cabman brakes the taxi hard, jumps out of the cab and runs away, screaming. After about five minutes, the cabbie returns, shamefaced, and explains: "You know, sir, I'm only helping out a friend. My day job is driving the coroner's van..."

barliman2001

Last week, I lost nine pounds.
Luckily, I found them again in the cookie jar.

Dr GO

Did you hear about the peanuts walking in Central Park....

One was a-salted.

Dr GO

How can you tell a frog from a horny toad?

A frog says: "Ribit, Ribit"

A horny toad says: "Rubit, Rubit"

barliman2001

@Dr-GO On the brink... hovering...

barliman2001

There is a Heaven for old and decrepit dollar bills... When a one-dollar bill and a fiver came there, they were admitted instantly. Then, a 100 dollar bill arrived at the gate, the Guardian Angel told it, "You can't come in here - I never saw you in Church!"

barliman2001

When the plate was handed round, a Scottish parson said, "Well, I don't mind you putting in buttons - but please provide your own buttons and don't tear them off the pew cushions!"

barliman2001

Another parson, before handing round the collection basket, told the congregation, "By this time, I'm well set up in buttons, can you provide some needles and thread today?"

barliman2001

A Catholic priest, a Lutheran parson and a Rabbi were discussing how to handle the distribution of the collection between themselves and the Lord (as the priest put it). He said, "I always draw a circle around me, throw all the money in the air, and I keep what's outside the circle." - "Good method," says the Lutheran. "I use it myself. But I keep everything that's inside the circle." - "Why draw circles?", says the Rabbi. "The Good Lord is all-powerful, he does not need such puny devices. For me, it's quite simple. I throw all the money up to the Lord, and He returns to me whatever He deems appropriate for my needs."