Laughter is the Best Medicine
OK. A Thread on MEDICAL humor. I know there is a Humor thread in the Lounge, so with this thread under Medical Concerns, please stick to medical topics, so that individuals in search of humor for medical healing can come here for their dose of laughter!
I shall start:
Eddie Brookshire, the bassist and leader of the quintet and one of the big bands that I play in has taught me a LOT of jazz over the years. HOWEVER, he doesn't know it but he actually has helped me out in my medicine profession:
The other day I had a married couple schedule a session with me as they have complained that as their years of marriage has progressed, they just don't talk to one another any more. So I had them both come in for session, and asked them to first start, to open up to me as to when and how this all started.
Then for 5 minutes... Pure silence. I tried visual cues to get them to open up... but nothing.
So I had an idea. We had a double bass in the back storage room, so I brought it out and into the conference room and started playing. They then broke into spontaneous conversation, because it is well known:
EVERYONE TALKS DURING THE BASS SOLO!
So, as fate would have it, one of my patients had succumb to a lengthy medical illness and was at the gates of Heaven, when he was greeted by St. Peter. This new Heaven inductee had a rather busy morning orientation session where all of Heaven's activities were discusses, sections of the Pearly Gate visited, and all behind the theme that in Heaven, everyone is equal and has equal chance an opportunities to all Heaven has to offer.
So after a fatiguing morning orientation, it was finally time to visit Heaven's lunchroom. But as you can imagine, the line was very lengthy. So my patient and St Peter entered the end of the line, when all of the sudden, out of no where this stately individual with a white coat and stethoscope around the neck came running in and cut right into the front of the line. The new recruit turned to St. Peter and asked: "Hey, what goes on here? I thought were were all equal? How is it that this individual can cut into the line?
Peter then states: " Oh, That's just God... He thinks he's a Doctor!"
I had a follow up visit with a patient the other day to get reports on advanced testing I had performed.
I told the patient, I had bad news, and really bad news.
The patient said: Give me the really bad news.
I said: The biopsy we took confirmed you have a highly advanced, inoperable, un-treatable cancer.
Then I asked him: Do you want to hear the bad news?
He said: Yes, what is the bad news?
I said: That cognitive testing we had done shows you have an advancing stage of dementia.
The patient said: Oh, that's not so bad. I thought you were going to tell me I had cancer.
THIS REALLY HAPPENED TO ME:
I had a pre-prostate biopsy appointment with my urologist, Dr. Yohanus, due to elevated PSA levels I had on screening labs.
As most men know, that prostate exam is not very pleasant, and I said as he entered with his gloved finger:
"Whoo!! Yohanus up my butt!
Should never have done that, as he laughed so hard while doing the exam, it was very unpleasant!
Q. What do you call the person who graduated last in class from medical school?
« But as you can imagine, the line was very lengthy ». In paradise? Very optimistic!
DMA carries with it a title of Doctor. You may not wish to use it and even the owner may not to wish it, but it is still an earned title and the bearers have a right to use it instead of Mister. Also, employment, or lack thereof, does not imply competency.
Tobylou8 last edited by
...Also, employment, or lack thereof, does not imply competency.
Which is why I relate to my patients that are on my critical care service: "I know CPR and 23 other letters of the alphabet".
Bass player at the psychologist:
"Doc, no one pays any attention to me..."
Doc: "Next, please!"
"Doctor, my hands are always shaking so badly..." -
"That comes from too much drink!" -
"Can't be that, Doc, I'm spilling most of it..."
Definition of Alzheimer's Alcoholism:
You drink a lot and then forget to pay for it.
Eminent psychiatrist passes away unexpectedly and goes to heaven. He is mildly surprised at the Pearly Gates to be met by a confused St. Peter who rushes him in and exclaims, "Sorry for rushing you up a bit early... but we've got a very bad case of megalomania on our hands... The Good Lord is always waving His arms around and is thinking he is Karajan!"
A guy has massive problems with bed-wetting at night. He's been through several courses of medication - no solution. Finally, he's sent to a psychotherapist. A few days later, he meets an old friend who is surprised to find his bed-wetting friend not despondent, but radiant. "Why are you looking so happy?" he asks. "It's because of that psychotherapist." the other one explains. - "It really worked?" - "No, but now I'm enjoying it!"
DAMN!!I told you that was PERSONAL and to keep it to yourself!
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.."