“45 year old antique”!!! What the heck am I at 70?
On a more serious note, I’m going down to my local Ace Hardware and get me some Rustoleum and duct tape so I can restore my Mt. Vernon Bach to its original condition. As you know, “Ace is the place with the helpful hardware man.”
@BigDub said in A little humour:
@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:
@Dr-GO said in A little humour:
@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:
What`s the difference between a baroque trumpeter and a dressmaker?
A dressmaker tucks up frills.However, maybe if the trumpet player wasn't baroque, the trills would be fixed up!
@Dr-GO said in A little humour:
Tell me if you heard this one:
A drummer walked past the bar...
I believe that looks like a Bach Suppositorious
It’s a Brass Hole!!! By the way, a Brass Hole can also be defined as an arrogant trumpet player.
@Tobylou8 said in A little humour:
@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:
@Dr-GO said in A little humour:
@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:
What`s the difference between a baroque trumpeter and a dressmaker?
A dressmaker tucks up frills.However, maybe if the trumpet player wasn't baroque, the trills would be fixed up!
@Dr-GO said in A little humour:
Tell me if you heard this one:
A drummer walked past the bar...
Means the other side is nothing but brass!
That is a BRAVE thing to say!
Reminds of the this pawn shop but two instead of three.
@Tobylou8 said in A little humour:
Colon guys! #1-These jokes serve no proctacol purpose. I sphincter ya'll could a doodoo a better job! #2..... , yeah, I said it, I'm laughing so hard I fell off my stool
Your facile, skilled use of medical terminology shows that you are by no means a novice in this field or for that matter in linguistics. If you conscientiously study the following definitions, and apply them correctly, it is likely that you will get a promotion to at least Tobylou9 or even higher!!!
For example, take the term “Rectum”. After studying this medical dictionary the following application would be medically correct:
Johnny's teacher asked the class how their weekends were.
"Horrible," said Johnny. "A car hit my cat in the ass!"
"Rectum," said the teacher. "Say rectum."
"Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!"
The sky is the limit. Good luck!
Artery: The study of fine paintings
Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria
Barium: What doctors do when patients die
Catscan: Searching for kitty
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her
Coma: A punctuation mark.
D&C: Where Washington is
Enema: Not a friend
ER: The things on your head that you hear with
Fester: Quicker than someone else
Genes: Blue denim slacks
G.I. Series: World Series of military baseball
Hemorrhoid: A male from outer space
Impotent: Distinguished, well-known
Medical Staff: A doctor’s cane
Morbid: A higher offer than I bid
Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates
Organ Transplant: What you do to your piano when you move
Outpatient: A person who has fainted
Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad
Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go
Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture
Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative: A letter carrier
Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery
Rectum: Almost killed him
Red Blood Count: Dracula
Secretion: Hiding something
Seizure: Roman Emperor
Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport.
Thorax: A Dr. Seuss character
Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak
Tumor: More than one, an extra pair
Varicose: Near by/close by
Vein : Conceited
@Dr-GO said in A little humour:
@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:
@Dr-GO said in A little humour:
@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:
@Dr-GO said in A little humour:
The WORSE case of rectal prolapse I've ever seen! Hell's bells, the damn thing looks like it has fibrosis as hard a brass.
An Br-Ass Prolapsing Artisan’s Bell no less.
I rectum so.
And if you sit down like that, you will have wrecked um for sure!
The Wrecked Um Trumpet Bell
@Dr-GO said in A little humour:
@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:
@Dr-GO said in A little humour:
The WORSE case of rectal prolapse I've ever seen! Hell's bells, the damn thing looks like it has fibrosis as hard a brass.
A Br-Ass Prolapsing Artisan’s Bell no less.
@Dr-GO said in A little humour:
@SSmith1226 said in A little humour:
What`s the difference between a baroque trumpeter and a dressmaker?
A dressmaker tucks up frills.However, maybe if the trumpet player wasn't baroque, the trills would be fixed up!
@Dr-GO said in A little humour:
Tell me if you heard this one:
A drummer walked past the bar...
What`s the difference between a baroque trumpeter and a dressmaker?
A dressmaker tucks up frills.
@moshe said in [A little humour](/post
I need to create a porn name for myself...
Any suggestions?How did I miss this!!! “The Louisville Slugger- 100% Wood” or “The All Wood Louisville Slugger”
I don't know whether to say "Shame on you" or award you a gift certificate to "Outback Steak House".
Now I have to try to wipe this smile off my face for the rest of the day...
moshe
The gift certificate will be fine. You can see from the photo below that this suggestion was “very innocent”.
@moshe said
I am stuck in Louisville, Kentucky now
because this is where I came for a job more than 25 years ago....
I have amazing bragging rights...
I need to create a porn name for myself...
Any suggestions?
How did I miss this!!! “The Louisville Slugger- 100% Wood” or “The All Wood Louisville Slugger”
@moshe said in A little humour:
I have amazing bragging rights...
I need to create a porn name for myself...
Any suggestions?How about BIG BAD MOSHE or just BIG MOSHE or MUY GRANDE MOSHE or MAN MOUNTAIN MOSHE or MOSHE THE MAGNIFICENT!!!
@BigDub
I didn’t mean to post this as a competition. To be honest with you, I never gave what I posted any thought until I saw the posts above mine and started doing the math. I then realized how ludicrous the pay was even at those times. Prior to my arrival to New Orleans I was a student for 21 years and considered those years in New Orleans as additional school experience. If asked of me, I would have some how paid for the experience. To actually be paid, although minimal, was great. Those were some of the best years of my life.
@BigDub said in A little humour:
@stumac said in A little humour:
When I started work in 1956 at 17 my pay was 25 cents per hour, 3 months later I turned 18 and my pay doubled.
Regards, Stuart.
In 1956 my Dad's Uncle Mangnus ( very Norwegian ) would give us boys 50 cents just for visiting he and Aunt Olga in Brooklyn. They had no kids. This brought them tremendous joy.
Stuart and big dub,
You don’t know how well you had it. A 1956 $1.00 in 1975 terms, was worth $1.98. In 1974 - 1975 as a physician (Surgical Intern) I made $5,000 per year for working 110-120 hours per week at Charity Hospital of New Orleans. This averages out to $0.84 per hour in that time frame or $0.41 per hour in 1956 dollars. Over the following 4 years my salary increased $0.20 per hour per year. At that time I was responsible for running the Trauma and Emergency Surgical Service 36 out of 48 hours in this large City Hospital all for $1.64 per hour ( $0.80 per hour in 1956 dollars).
The good news was when I had a few hours off when working in some of the other Louisiana State Charity Hospitals I could moonlight as an ER Physician and make $7.50 per hour. The only catch was that I (or any other ER moonlighter) was not allowed to leave the ER until all patients that signed in on my shift was seen and given disposition by me. That generally required a minimum of four more hours of my time at no pay. Never the less this seemed like a fortune to me. Of course my expenses were minimum. I lived in scrub suits and my wife bought my underwear. I also ate in the hospital cafeteria.
No wonder I had to quit playing trumpet for 44 years.
@barliman2001
St Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter. The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations." St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!" The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children." "Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?" The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime." "Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?”
@administrator said in A little humour:
Well, as the song goes:
"I was gonna practice my horn, but then I got high!"
(Note: I am NOT recommending this!)
I saw this joke on line and thought it was appropriate:
A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know." A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!" The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative. Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!" The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?" "I'm a musician, I play the trumpet." The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat.
@BigDub said in Oder Deutsch?:
@Tobylou8
Ich sehe nichts. Ich höre nichts. Ich weiß nichts.
@Kehaulani said in Oder Deutsch?:
Is that Schmuck-Passage in Salzburg? I've got a photo there of the same thing.
BTW, I've got another photo, Salzburg also, for Fu King Chinese Restaurant. The puns went rampant.
You have a good eye. The Schmuck-Passage photo, as well as the vintage jewelry store sign photo, were taken in Salzburg. On the other hand, I don’t know how I missed the Chinese restaurant. I must not have been very observant.
As far as puns, all over Austria, but especially in Vienna and Salzburg, “Mozart Balls”, as they were marketed to the English speaking tourists, were sold. If they had only used a different part of Mozart, I would have bought some.
@Vulgano-Brother
I spent quite a bit of time with Barliman2001 in Vienna last summer and the summer before. This is some of the German that I learned.
