Posts made by SSmith1226

@Dr-Mark said in A little humour:

@SSmith1226
Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Annie.
Annie Who?
Annie Thing You Can Do I Can Do Better

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Annie more of these?

@Dr-Mark said in [A little humour](/post/5589
The only other place that harbors possibly more danger is the continent of Australia..... I would like to visit it but I'd do some studying before I go. Don't want a Drop Bear or a Bunyip to get me!

Also you have to watch out for the Australian Roosters. And no, I’m not going to expand on this!
The story is actually very tragic because the fatal outcome likely was very avoidable with a pressure dressing and the victim laying down with legs elevated as high as possible above the level of the heart.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2019/09/04/woman-pecked-death-rooster-australia/2207730001/

@stumac said in A little humour:

Dr Mark,
unfortunately no Cassowarys inhabit where I live in Aus, Bunyip urine is the best deterrent here.

Regards, Stuart.

I saw this article today and thought that it might be interesting to the group. I frankly never heard of Clora Bryant before this, but I certainly will be doing further research and listening.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/09/01/arts/music/clora-bryant-dead.html

@tjcombo
@tjcombo said in A little humour:

@SSmith1226 - did you run into Ms Kidman in PD? I don't think that she was there during my visit as there was no sign of her hubby Keith at either of the open mic sessions I attended (and what muso could resist a chance to play in tropical paradise ).
Were you up close and personal with the cassowary? Brave man!

@Dr.Mark MODERATORS
Hi SSmith1226,
Is that a cassowary? Aren't they suppose to be dangerous?

First to address the Cassowary: The Cassowary, as well as the Koala encounters were within the safety of the “Wildlife Habitat” of Port Douglas. No humans were harmed. The Cassowary is the most dangerous bird on this planet and could tear a person apart with its claws. Unfortunately this recently happened in Gainesville, Florida where a “pet” Cassowary killed its owner. It is also thought that Cassowaries are evolutionary descendants of Velociraptors.
As far as the Nicole Kidman encounter, I must not tell a lie. That occurred primarily in my imagination. I’m sorry to say that I never saw, or met Ms. Kidman The photo was “borrowed” from her Wikipedia Page. As we say in the United States, “You caught me with my pants down.”

@tjcombo
If she is selective, I’m hoping that Nicole Kidman isn't following the lead of the crocodiles!!!
Here are a few photos I took, in Port Douglas during a 2015 visit including the warning sign
(not in German), carnivorous flesh eating Drop Bear, Cassowary, etc.7FF3E615-993D-4A2B-9223-FC53C0AC5BD0.jpeg

@tjcombo said in A little humour:

@stumac said in A little humour:

It is a little early for them down here yet.

Regards, Stuart.

well, with climate change Stuart you can never be too careful.

I know about the extreme danger of the deadly Australian Salt Water Crocodiles, Jelly Fish, Sharks, Stone Fish, Cone Snails, Snakes, Spiders, Centipedes, Kangaroos, Cassowaries, and Australian heat, but what I am not clear on is, among the Carnivorous, Flesh Eating Drop Bears, Rugby Players, Russel Crowe, and Nicole Kidman, which is the most dangerous and deadly?
On the other hand, if I had to choose my means of exit from the above list, Nicole Kidman would be my choice.

@Dr-GO
No cerebellum, so it could be the frontal lobe unless he had his head screwed on backwards.

@Dr-GO said in A little humour:

I bacon you all to stop the egg puns!

@tjcombo said in A little humour:

So this trumpet player walked past a bar....
(seriously, it could happen :-))

The following cartoons are on the npr site. They are all by the same cartoonist. There are many more examples of his work on the site. What makes this work unique is that the cartoonist, Jeffery Curnow, an “Artist Among Us”, is the Associate Principal Trumpet of the Philadelphia Orchestra. In addition to his work seen on “npr”, he is the illustrator of Mark Gould’s book, “Orchestra Confidential”, a funny and informative book in itself.

@Newell-Post said in A little humour:

@SSmith1226

LOL. That's pretty sick, even for SNL. Funny, but sick.

It puts things into a new perspective. I have seen the opposite perspective many times of this type of relationship when it is in its later years. It often is not pretty as the wife in her 40’s to 50’s takes care of, or for that matter doesn't take care of, the 80+ year old husband with his near end of life disabilities and illnesses. I’ve never considered the opposite perspective. The SNL video put’s this perspective in a rather humorous, and theater of the absurd, “sick”, presentation.

Meet Your Second Wife SNL Style

@tjcombo said in A little humour:

@SSmith1226 That was bonzer Sport! A grouse effort for a Septic!

A perfect illustration of my point!!! I have no idea what this means, or for that matter whether it is spelled correctly. I even put it in “Google Translate” and it came up with:

It’s as confused as I am!!! I always thought Captain James Cook spoke the King’s English. He was from Yorkshire after all. America was different. It was discovered by Columbus who was an Italian working for the Spanish, which explains dialects in many big American Cities. Or perhaps it was discovered by the Vikings, which explains dialects and accents in Minnesota.

@tjcombo said in A little humour:

@administrator "humour' is something that amuses me - like American spelling

That’s like the kettle calling the pot black. How about “Australian Vocabulary”? (I’ll try and clean it up)

A Cold One – Beer
Accadacca – How Aussies refer to Australian band ACDC
Ankle Biter – Child
Arvo – Afternoon (S’Arvo – this afternoon!)
Aussie Salute – Wave to scare the flies
Avo – Avocado
Bail – To cancel plans. ‘Bruce bailed’ = Bruce isn’t going to turn up.
Barbie – Barbecue
Bathers – Swimsuit
Beauty! – Great! Most often exclaimed as “You Beauty”
Billabong – A pond in a dry riverbed
Billy – Teapot (In the Outback on the fire)
Bloody – Very. Used to extenuate a point
Bloody oath – yes or its true. “You right mate?”… “Bloody Oath”
Bludger – Someone who’s lazy, generally also who relies on others (when it’s someone who relies on the state they’re often called a ‘dole bludger’)
Bogan – This word is used for people who are, well let’s say, rednecks. Or, if you like, just call your friends a bogan when they are acting weird.
Booze Bus – Police vehicle used to catch drunk drivers
Bottle-O – Bottle Shop, basically a place to buy alcohol
Brekky – Breakfast
Brolly – Umbrella
Bruce – An Aussie Bloke
Budgie Smugglers – Speedos
Bush – “Out in the bush” – “he’s gone bush” In the countryside away from civilisation
Cab Sav – Cabernet Sauvignon
Cactus – Dead, Broken
Choc A Bloc – Full
Choccy Biccy – Chocolate Biscuit
Chook – Chicken
Chrissie – Christmas
Ciggy – a Cigarette
Clucky – feeling maternal
Cobber – Very good friend. ‘Alright me ‘ol cobber’.
Coldie – Beer. ‘Come over for a few coldie’s mate.’
Coppers – Policemen
Crack the shits – Getting angry at someone or something
Crikey – an expression of surprise
Crook – Being ill or angry; ‘Don’t go crook on me for getting crook’
C8 the “C” word – Used when exchanging pleasantries between close friends or family member. If someone calls you the “C” word in Australia (and you haven’t done anything to make them angry), then breathe a sigh of relief… it means you have entered the mate zone.
Dag – Someone who’s a bit of a nerd or geek.
Daks – Trousers. ‘Tracky daks’ = sweatpants (tracksuit pants)
Dardy – meaning “cool”, is used amongst South West Australian Aboriginal peoples and has also been adopted by non-indigenous teens. – source
Deadset – True
Defo – Definitely
Devo – Devastated
Drongo – a Fool, ‘Don’t be a drongo mate’
Dunny – Toilet
Durry – Cigarette
Esky – An insulated container that keeps things cold (usually beers)
Facey – Facebook
Fair Dinkum – ‘Fair Dinkum?’ … ‘Fair Dinkum!’ = Honestly? … Yeah honestly!
Flannie / Flanno – flannelette shirt
Flat out – Really busy – “Flat out like a lizard drinking” – As busy as a bee
Footy – Football (AFL / Aussie Rules)
Frothy – Beer
F* Me Dead – that’s unfortunate, that surprises me
Furphy – rumours or stories that are improbable or absurd
G’day – Hello
Galah – an Australian cockatoo with a reputation for not being bright, hence a galah is also a stupid person.
Gnarly – awesome – often used by surfers
Going off – busy, lots of people / angry person “he’s going off”
Good On Ya – Good work
Goon – the best invention ever produced by mankind. Goon is a cheap, boxed wine that will inevitably become an integral part of your Australian backpacking experience.
Hard yakka – Hard work
Heaps – loads, lots, many
Hoon – Hooligan (normally driving badly!)
Iffy – bit risky or unreasonable
Knickers – female underwear
Lappy – Laptop
Larrikin – Someone who’s always up for a laugh, bit of a harmless prankster
Legless – Someone who is really drunk
Lollies – Sweets
Maccas – McDonalds
Manchester – Sheets / Linen etc. If you’re from England, finding a department within a shop called Manchester could seriously confuse you.
Mongrel – Someone who’s a bit of a dick
Mozzie – Mosquito
No Drama – No problem / it’s ok
No Worries – No problem / it’s ok
No Wucka’s – A truly Aussie way to say ‘no worries’
Nuddy – Naked
Outback – The interior of Australia, “The Outback” is more remote than those areas named “the bush”
Pash – to kiss
Piece of Piss – easy
Piss Off – go away, get lost
Piss Up – a party, a get together and in Australia – most social occasions
Piss – (To Piss) to urinate
Pissed – Intoxicated, Drunk
Pissed Off – Annoyed
Rack Off – The less offensive way to tell someone to ‘F Off’!
Rapt – Very happy
Reckon – for sure. ‘You Reckon?’… ‘I reckon!’
Rellie / Rello – Relatives
Ripper – ‘You little ripper’ = That’s fantastic mate!
Root Rat – someone who enjoys sex (maybe a little too much)
Rooted – Tired or Broken
Runners – Trainers, Sneakers
Sanger – Sandwich
Servo – Service Station / Garage
Shark biscuit – kids at the beach
Sheila – A woman
Shoot Through – To leave
Sick – awesome; ‘that’s really sick mate’
Sickie – a sick day off work, or ‘to pull a sickie’ would be to take a day off when you aren’t actually sick
Skull – To down a beer
Slab – A carton of beers
Snag – Sausage
Stiffy – Erection
Stoked – Happy, Pleased
Straya – Australia
Strewth – An exclamation of surprise
Stubby – a bottle of beer
Stubby Holder – Used so your hands don’t get cold when holding your beer, or to stop your hands making your beer warm!
Stuffed – Tired
Sunnies – Sunglasses
Swag – Single bed you can roll up, a bit like a sleeping bag.
Tea – Dinner
Tinny – Can of beer or small boat
Thongs – Flip Flops. Do not be alarmed if your new found Australian friend asks you to wear thongs to the beach. They are most likely expressing their concern of the hot sand on your delicate feet.
True Blue – Genuinely Australian
Tucker – Food. ‘Bush Tucker’ tends to be food found in the Outback such as witchety grubs.
Two Up – A gambling game played on Anzac day.
U-IE – to take a U-Turn when driving
Up Yourself – Stuck up
Woop Woop – middle of nowhere “he lives out woop woop”
Ya – You
Yous – (youse) plural of you!

@moshe said in A little humour:

On the WHAS radio news today at Noon,
I swear it said that people who use more "emoji's" get more sex.

But I don't understand how this is supposed to work,
because no chicks hang out here...

Morris / moshe

Be careful!!! You might get what you wish for.

PS...I would really like to try their instruments out. I’ve been waiting for somebody in America to become a dealer for years. No joking, I would schedule a quick vacation to any city in the US if somebody like ACB, Dillons, Chuck Levins, etc...started to carry Inderbinen.

Better yet, a vacation to Switzerland!!!