Posts made by SSmith1226

Tony had just finished reading a new book titled, “You Can Be The Man of Your House”.
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced: “From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will serve me a delicious dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and make love the way that I want. Then, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, just take a wild guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”
Without skipping a beat his wife answered: “The funeral director would be my first guess.”

One of the entertainers on a cruise ship was a magician. Since the passengers were different each week, the magician always had a new audience so he always did the same tricks.
The captain’s parrot, however, was stationed in the performance hall and observed the magicians tricks week after week. Being a wise old bird, he eventually figured out all the magician’s secrets.
Then, irritatingly, he started heckling during the show. “Hey, why is every card the same? It’s in his cape pocket! It’s a different rabbit!”
The magician was fuming, but it was the captain’s parrot so he couldn’t really do anything.
One terrible day, however, the ship had a boiler explosion and sank. The magician wound up on a small raft in the middle of the Atlantic with, as luck would have it, the captain’s parrot.
They glared at each other with visible hatred but didn’t say a word. This went on for several days.
Finally on the tenth day, the parrot couldn’t take it any longer. Exasperated, he said: “Okay, I give up. Where’s the ship?”

Krumpus roaming the streets of Hallstatt, Austria

Sights and sounds of the Christmas Market at Rathauspark in Vienna, Austria tonight. Not Random, but what the hell!

A young man wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire himself out as a handy man and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for him to do.
“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,” the owner said. “How much will you charge me?”
The man quickly responded: “How about $50?”
The owner agreed and told him that the paint and everything he would need were in the garage.

The man’s wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband: “Does he realise that our porch goes all the way around the house?”
The husband shrugged and went off on his way. A short time later, the man came to the door to collect his money.
“You’re finished already?” the husband asked.
“Yes,” the man replied, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”
Impressed, the owner reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to him.
“And by the way,” the man added, “it’s not a Porch, it’s a Lexus.”

An old man who loves to fish was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say: “Pick me up.”
He looked around and couldn’t see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again: “Pick me up.”
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said: “Are you talking to me?”
The frog said: “Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I’ll then give you more sexual pleasure that you ever could have dreamed of.”
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said: “What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasures like you have never had.”
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said: “Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.”

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At their very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?” Bob replied, “Girlfriend? She's my wife!” They’re knocked over, but continue to ask: “So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?” “I lied about my age,” Bob replied. “What? Did you tell her you were only 50?”
Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”

Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.

“These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.” She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?

One elderly man said "they send us on bus tours.

@Tobylou8 said in How about a "Random Meaningless Image...let's see them string"?:

@Tobylou8

@J-Jericho said in The One:
Now, I haven't explored high-dollar trumpets, but the way my Studio plays for me, I have no inclination to do so.

You are a stronger man than I am, J. Jericho!!!

@Dr-Mark
Good luck and come back any time after the dust clears! Your input will be missed.