Best posts made by barliman2001

Bass player at the psychologist:
"Doc, no one pays any attention to me..."
Doc: "Next, please!"

How do you know a drummer is at the door? -
The cat flap opens at 2 and 4.

"Doctor, my hands are always shaking so badly..." -
"That comes from too much drink!" -
"Can't be that, Doc, I'm spilling most of it..."

"Trumpet playing is singing, just without a sore throat."
Maurice André

Eminent psychiatrist passes away unexpectedly and goes to heaven. He is mildly surprised at the Pearly Gates to be met by a confused St. Peter who rushes him in and exclaims, "Sorry for rushing you up a bit early... but we've got a very bad case of megalomania on our hands... The Good Lord is always waving His arms around and is thinking he is Karajan!"

A Scotsman phones a dentist's surgery. "Eh, mon, what's the cost o' drawin' a tuith?" - "That would be fifty pounds, sir." - "Canna I get it a wee bit cheaper?" - "Certainly, sir. 25 pounds, but that is with only initial anesthesia and limited equipment." - Canne ye make it even cheaper?" - "Well, yes, sir, we can do it for ten pounds, but that is without any anesthesia and just using a plain set of blacksmith's pincers. Very painful process." - "Can ye make an appointment for Thursday for ma mither-in-law?"

Teeth don't usually matter, unless you have a massive under- or overbite. Tension is all-important, and mouthpiece pressure as well (or rather studied lack of same). The more mouthpiece pressure you put on your lips, the more important teeth become; but at the same time, the more damage you can do to your lips, ranging from occasional tingling to numbness to full-blown, even irreversible, lip paralysis. So your focus at your stage of trumpet playing should not be on high notes (and if your teacher focuses on high notes, you should immediately change to another one!), but on consistency and low pressure within the first octave. And you can achieve that by following Rowuk's Circle of Breath (it's a staple topic here, you should be able to find it easily) and a low-pressure approach by practising long low notes.

No. That was an unsigned autograph card for an already established soloist.

Update: Our local hospital released me on 15 March, saying that I would only need to finish the course of antibiotics they would give me - but they only gave me one additional day. Since then, the pneumonia slowly came back, until yesterday, when I had to call the ambulance again and they delivered me not to the same hospital (full of Covid), but another one some 20 miles away. They put me into a single room due to my sleep apnea which means that in between IV antibiotics, I can practice to my heart's content...

A trombone player has just moved into a new home, and has invited a friend for a first viewing. The friend is duly impressed; but late in the evening, he has one question: "I don't seem to see a single clock anywhere... how do you tell the time?" - "That's simple" replies the bonist, grabs his horn and starts practising. Within a few seconds, the neighbour's window flies open: "That's monstrous! Such a noise at midnight!"

@georgeb It's one chapter of Ivan's book.

I'm risking a repeat offence...
Conductor:"We'll start again at measure 3."
Viola player: "Sorry, sir, we haven't got any numbers!"

@dr-go Whom does a female sheep consult for incontinence?

The Ewerologist.

@ssmith1226
A young electrician dies suddenly and ends up at the Pearly Gates before St. Peter. He is somewhat annoyed and vents his anger: "To die at 35 is no joke, you old Saint!" - "35? By the number of hours you had yourself paid for you're 98!"

The up-to-date muscle car for anti-vaxxers...

I did not know James Morrison had so many twin brothers...
https://www.facebook.com/trumpetlovers/videos/1021644968634328

Old entries in the Classifieds will be locked after twelve months silence.

I once sat next to Wynton Marsalis.

At breakfast.