Posts made by barliman2001

"Dad, who was Adam's mother-in-law?" -
"He did not have one, he lived in Paradise."

@administrator The fact that someone hated this horn so much as to lose one valve cap and put a different one in shows that the horn was maltreated.

Too expensive in this kind of shape.

What's the time when you are suddenly confronted by a raging man-eating tiger?
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Time to say good-bye!

@Dr-GO said in Third valve:

Even Lee Morgan knew the third valve ring was not needed:

Yet Lee did need it for his Ambassador... YES HIS AMBASSADOR, the horn he used in recording the Cornbread album:

If you look closely on the Committee pic, you'll find that the sliedeable ring has been removed, yes; but the player certainly has his finger in something that looks suspiciously like a ring. Possibly he did away with the slide ring (they are a pain in the... ahem... neck anyway, always coming loose) and had a fixed ring put on. That's what I've done on a couple of horns.

Air is needed to play trumpet - as I just found out when a spitball got stuck.

OK guys, last night was a premiere for my new glasses. First Big Band Rehearsal after Corona lockdown (www.bbmf.de). Drove there with my musicians' glasses on my nose - no problem. Went in, did not stumble on the staircase (rehearsal room on third floor, meaning 75 steps up). Set up my stuff after compulsory hand disinfection, and went on to play. No problem at all - could see everything - music sharp, band leader sharp, opposite wall sharp. After rehearsal, packed up and drove home, still with the same glasses. AMAZING.

@grune said in Hello! Welcome to TB, who are you?:

@barliman2001 uh, have you something against dogs?

Nothing at all - in fact, I can't live without dogs. Currently, we have a Bosnian refugee dog that I always refer as "hamster x jackal".

And, of course, the District of Dogfighting...

Ok, if there is no need to lock it, I won't. Just wanted to test the general feeling.

What's the name for the breathalyzer used by Mexican Police?

Coronatest

But I do agree - it's run long enough. I'll let it live another 24 hours or so, and then lock it. I think thats fair warning.

A Scotsman phones a dentist's surgery. "Eh, mon, what's the cost o' drawin' a tuith?" - "That would be fifty pounds, sir." - "Canna I get it a wee bit cheaper?" - "Certainly, sir. 25 pounds, but that is with only initial anesthesia and limited equipment." - Canne ye make it even cheaper?" - "Well, yes, sir, we can do it for ten pounds, but that is without any anesthesia and just using a plain set of blacksmith's pincers. Very painful process." - "Can ye make an appointment for Thursday for ma mither-in-law?"

Like the guy who went to the dentist and was asked whether he wanted his tooth drawn first class or second class. "Well... what's the difference?" he asked. "Oh, it's quite simple. Second class, you get all the young nurses and all the old equipment, and in first class, it's the other way round."

In this rather macabre vein, I quote James Young Simpson who during an operation suddenly turned to the anesthesist, saying, "Dear colleague, I don't know how the patient is doing at your end, but he seems to be dead at mine."

Well, at least you need massive amounts of air moving through the trumpet to use spitballs.

A wife, being somewhat romantic, sends a text to her husband who's on a business trip:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears...I love you!"
The husband's reply?
"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."

@GeorgeB You might ask her nicely whether she could do something for you - she usually can.

Ok, as a background, you should know that I have had cataract operations on both eyes in 2014 and since then, my eyes can't change focus any more. Since then, I've had to work with four different pairs of glasses - one for reading closely, one for music reading, one for mid-range seeing (normal distances within the house) and one for outdoors and driving. Bit of a hassle carrying all that stuff around; and when playing music, I could only focus on the sheet music; the conductor was a dim figure somewhere in the distance.
A friend of mine is both a cornet and double bass player and an optician. She has now developed special musicians's glasses that are in effect six-strength varifocals... just got mine, and I am amazed. I can sit at my computer and write this, seeing a clear image of the screen, and I can look up and see the horrible amount of washing-up I still have to do, sharp as anything, in seven feet distance, and I can look out of the window and see clearly what the builders are doing in the yard, at 35 feet distance. And I have a sharp image of the house at the end of the street...
It's a fairly cheap process, considering a consultation will take one full day to adjust the focals to your special needs, and it can't be done but in Yorkshire. But it really is worth it.

The Magic Woman who does this?

Sheryl Doe
Allegro Opticals
1-3 Station Street
Meltham, West Yorkshire HD9 5NX

www.allegrooptical.co.k

President Trump and the Archbishop of Canterbury are playing golf together. Rather frequently, the POTUS misses his putt and every time, he explains, "Darn! I missed!". The Archbishop reminds him of the commandment not to swear, telling him Heaven will record his actions and deal out fitting punishment. At the next hole, the POTUS misses a 2-inch putt: "Darn! I missed!" A dark cloud is gathering in the sky, and out of that cloud, a bolt of lightning hits the Archbishop, killing him instantly, Then, a voice is heard from the cloud: "Darn! I missed!"